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2014-09-12
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OnlineHost:
OnlineHost: *** You are in "The Shade Tree". ***
OnlineHost:
Burchardi: Night, Berddie..... come again.
Bubble51: Burch..someone else in Shade Tree on Sunday told me to contact you
Burchardi: Welcome, Lisa
Gaylehatch: Bubble How old is she ?
Berddie: Thanks.
Burchardi: Remember who, Bubble?
Cigi 3: well.. the joe cool college look doesn't go far in his line of
work...
Quattrofan: Night room.
Bubble51: oops I meant to say thre weeks...not three seeks!
Cigi 3: Welcome LisaRick!
Burchardi: Night, Quattro
MRSSTAN: Hey Cig (new Subject) how did you ever do on the quitting smoking
thing?
FLAADOPTEE: hey Lisa
Burchardi: Welcome, Weeble
Hahase: Cigi you smoke?
Bubble51: She will be 34 on October 3lst! I think it was Laznlady..or
Mrowland
MRSSTAN: oops
WeebleJ: hi
Burchardi: Welcome, Xdy
Xdyedon8X: y0
Xdyedon8X: thnax
Giselle 8s: hi
Vkaja: I'm not leaving but just wanted to say THANKS to everyone for help in
drying my tears!!
Gaylehatch: I quit three weeks ago OH almost 4 wks ago with the patch
Hahase: bet it was mrowland.
Burchardi: Welcome, Giselle
Vkaja: You guys are GREAT!
Giselle 8s: what's the topic?
FLAADOPTEE: Hahase..........when will the story be on?
Cigi 3: cough, cough, ahem...the patch doesn't work...I never remember to put
it on!
MRSSTAN: whatever you want it to be Gis... but supposed to be adoption
Bubble51: Oh Vkaja,,,things will get better
Burchardi: Giselle, opent topic.
Hahase: Come back anytime VK.. also there are great a/parent chats.you might
want to check out.
Hahase: It was just on.
Xdyedon8X: whats the topic
Cigi 3: Hahase..its my only vice....really!
Vkaja: Hahase...where?
Xdyedon8X: ????????
Bubble51: Gayle...I quit a year ago yesterday...somedays it still is a
struggle..I got 25 lbs!
MRSSTAN: we just went thru this Xd
FLAADOPTEE: oh......missed it
Burchardi: Open topic tonite........ anything about adoption.
Hahase: Here in the adoption fourm.. to get a weekly list of topics.. e-mail
Mrowland and let her
Burchardi: Cigi, you're nose is growing.
Hahase: know you want to get the weekly list.
Hahase: That okay Cigi.. smoker here too..
Bubble51: I want some suggestions about what to do next now that Daughter has
shunned me
MRSSTAN: well Cigi, i didn't have one for 3 months then one day gave in and
have been cheating ever
Gaylehatch: Iquit 5yrs ago for 4yrs but new job 1 yr ago got me going again
Bubble51: I found her through an intermediary (Washington State) and they
won't tell me where she is
Burchardi: Bubble.... stick w/ us.... that's one thing for sure.
MRSSTAN: since.... hardly anyone knows though so plan to quit <again>
Bubble51: I will, you guys are wonderful
CORALUSK: I quit 7 years ago and gained 30 lbs...but lost it after another 5
years
Burchardi: Bubble, you can still find her on your own.... but I would wait a
few years.
MRSSTAN: in those 4 years did you ever quit wanting one Gayle?
Bubble51: Only thing though..In Dec we will be moving and I don't think the
area (sticks) where we are
Bubble51: moving has a line for AOL...
Gaylehatch: Yes until I was around someone who smoked !! Really tough Just
took a trip with a chain
Hahase: Bubble there is an 800 number for aol.
Gaylehatch: smoker REALLY tough
Burchardi: Bubble, you can almost always find a line, even if it is a toll
call.
Bubble51: Finding on my own can be very expensive I have ehard...True?
Cigi 3: ok...'almost' only vice...
Bubble51: Wait a few years? Icould be dead! I am 52 now
Burchardi: Bubble.... not necessarily.... I would est. a few hundred dollars.
Bubble51: There is....an 800 access line ( server line)
Hahase: Bubbles you know her name right?
Cigi 3: Bubble...as long as you're near a big city you should be able to get
a server...our town is
Cigi 3: only 5,000 and we're lucky we have cable...no local access to puters
thats for sure!
Bubble51: Burch...who/what/where for a few hundered dollars? I spent $350 on
WARM fr them to find
Burchardi: What would Sister Mary Agatha say, Cigi? (was that the name?)
Bubble51: and really they screwed it up cause they contacted the Aparents
first cause they couldn't fi
Burchardi: Bubble.... for a few hundred you could get a P.I. to get a
name.... then do your own search.
Bubble51: find her. so of course by the time the Aparent talked to the
daughter, she got very upset
Bubble51: her A parents were hurting
Gaylehatch: Bubbles contact Folksfind on AOL he's great !! Cheap too !
Burchardi: Cigi.... you PAY for these phone calls?
MRSSTAN: we don't have local access here either Cigi :-(
Bubble51: and I think they really made her feel guilty
FLAADOPTEE: how do you contact him? Gayle
Bubble51: I will try that Thank yo ever so..do I Email hhim just Folksfind @
aol?
Gaylehatch: E-mail Folksfind
MRSSTAN: i found a way to use my cell phone with my home phone and get on for
nothing
Hahase: Laznlady is good too..
Cigi 3: NO....Burch...don't have to pay extra...within the same area code
JN4NIER: You can use TCP-IP for an access number.
FLAADOPTEE: hey Cfries
Bubble51: MR...you are a sly fox!
CFRIES6: Hi Guys
Hahase: Hi Connie
Burchardi: CFries...... where have you been girl?
Gaylehatch: We have WAY TO GO installed on our computer. It makes aol cheaper
and in sometimes free.
Cigi 3: No Burch..thats Sister Mary Jo of the Perpetual Guilt...
Burchardi: Welcome, Scouter
MRSSTAN: i try really hard!!! really just couln't afford 5000. phone bill for
aol
CFRIES6: At bowling again. :) Did you all miss me that much??
CFRIES6: Hi Connie
Cigi 3: Welcome CF!!!
Burchardi: Oh, what was NN's nickname?
CFRIES6: Hi Cigi
FLAADOPTEE: hey MLB
Bubble51: what is TCP-IP?
Cigi 3: ;)
MLB12350: Hi everyone!
JN4NIER: Get to AOL through any service
Burchardi: Welcome, MLB
JN4NIER: once you're connected
Cigi 3: sneaky Mrs. S....very sneaky...
JN4NIER: no one should be paying telephone bills
Maryann622: Gotta run...{{{{{{{nite room}}}}}}
Burchardi: Welcome, BEE
MLB12350: Thanks. Whats the topic this evening?
Hahase: Night Maryann
MRSSTAN: hey Cig, whatever works
BEEBOP123: Thank you
Cigi 3: Nite MA!!
Burchardi: Night MA
Cigi 3: ;)
MRSSTAN: niters MA
Bubble51: Hahase. no i don;'t know her name..WARM will not give any
identifying infor until she signs
Bubble51: a consent for contavt with me
Hahase: Can't believe it someone just shot a gun off near here somewhere..
Burchardi: Open topic, but I think someone is taking over from Cigi and
me.... You, Lisa?
Cigi 3: Open Chat on Adoption here BeeBop...about to come to
close...Searching Chat with LisaRick
Cigi 3: on Tap...
MLB12350: Hey!! You don't have to leave, I just got here.....
Cigi 3: Really Connie? is it hunting season there?
Burchardi: Nope.... one chat just dissolves into another.... same group....
different moderators.
Cigi 3: not leaving...just turning over the reins...
Hahase: Bubble, you might want to get in touch with Laznlady.. she might be
able to point you in the
Hahase: right direction..
CFRIES6: it's always hunting season where I am Cigi
Burchardi: It's been fun gang...... gotta run.............. please stay and
enjoy.
Cigi 3: Bubble she is *really* good...
Cigi 3: LOL...
CFRIES6: Nite Burch
Hahase: Hunting season in the Denver city limits NOT..
MRSSTAN: does anyone here have tile on their kitchen counters?
Cigi 3: Goodnite Burchardi! Keep in touch!!
MRSSTAN: {{{{{{{Burch}}}}}}}
CFRIES6: Depends what you're hunting for, Connie
Burchardi: MRSSTAN...... queen of non-sequiters.
Gaylehatch: Will be in DEnver in 10 days ! Love that city !1
BEEBOP123: What is new topic???????????
Burchardi: {{{{{{{{{{{{ all a youze }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]
MRSSTAN: nice to be Queen of something <<<taking a bow>>>>
Bubble51: I'm back
Hahase: Weather has been great Gayle,,
CFRIES6: {{{{{{{Deb}}}}}}}}}}
Gaylehatch: Bubbles your back !1
Bubble51: I got booteed off
Cigi 3: Topic is goiong to be Searching...
BEEBOP123: Great just what i need
Cigi 3: and its attendant problems, frustrations, tips, etc...
MRSSTAN: how come nobody is answering me??? i have a major tile dilima and no
one cares
Gaylehatch: Can't wait ! Want to go to Celestial Seasonings !
CFRIES6: nice spelling Cigi. It must be close to your bedtime
JN4NIER: TCP-IP is explained in the AOL book
Bubble51: who has time to read?
Lisa Rick: Hi everyone, welcome to midnight chat on adoption. We can talk
about anything you want.
Cigi 3: hey CF..this gal is operating on 7 hours of sleep over 48 hr
period...I thnk I'm dooing good
Cigi 3: !!!
MLB12350: Sorry, no tile problems
Hahase: Gayle, have never been there.
JN4NIER: it's a way of connecting to AOL without a long distance call
Bubble51: So do you all think I should keep trying to get more infor? I
really want to know her name
CFRIES6: How are you doing tonight Deb? I'll give you that one Cigi
Lisa Rick: Search, Reunion, anything adoption related.
Bubble51: and where she lives..if she is not ready for contact thats ok for
now but I want to know her
Bubble51: name
Cigi 3: ;)
Hahase: And 2 packs of Cigs.. or does that 3 stand for 3 packs.
Gaylehatch: I would like to know how long people looked before they found
their b-parents or children
CFRIES6: I'm on my second pack for the day.
MLB12350: still searching here!!!
Bubble51: I gave my money to WARM in August of 95 and they found daughter in
October of 95. I still
Cigi 3: Actually it has nothing to do with cigs, smarty pants...stands for my
initials...C G... ;p
Lisa Rick: Bubbles, do you even have her first name?
BEEBOP123: I need advise on what to to next have non-id but am at road block
and can't find detour
Bubble51: don't know her name or where she lives. no first name...nothin!
FLAADOPTEE: I have been searching since Jan. nothing yet
CORALUSK: CFRIES...you need the patch
MRSSTAN: oh well, since no one cares about my tile problems i guess i will
just go to bed ;-), work
MRSSTAN: comes early
CFRIES6: Coral, I need more than that
MRSSTAN: {{{{{{{{everybody}}}}}} niters
Hahase: Searched actively for 3 years
Bubble51: MR what tile prob
CFRIES6: Nite MR
Bubble51: Nighty nite!
Cigi 3: Gayle...I searched for over 20 years, on and off...came on line in
May...found b/m in July!
MRSSTAN: do you have tile on your counters Bubble?
MLB12350: Nite MrsStan. I care just don't know what to tell ya
Hahase: Well it's my bed time.. so night all.. {{{{{Room}}}}}
CORALUSK: CFRIES I quit 7 years ago
Bubble51: No way..I am too lazy to keep them up
Gaylehatch: I've been searching for 3 1/2 yrs and have given in to a P.I.
Cigi 3: You mean the little squares MrsS?
CFRIES6: I'm not going to be here long tonight. I think I'm getting the flu
and I feel horrible
MRSSTAN: thanks for caring ML, it really means alot!!
MRSSTAN: yea Cigi, little squares...
Gaylehatch: It's flu shot time
Lisa Rick: Cfries, have you spoken toii your brother yet?
CFRIES6: Quitting isn't the problem for me. Sticking with it is
Bubble51: you didn't say thanks to me MRSSTAN..I did give ya some input!
Cigi 3: too hard to clean!! bad enuf in the bathroom!
MRSSTAN: i want to put tile on my counters but can't decide what kind is
best, not hard to clean Cig
CORALUSK: CFRIES...it's really hard ...I know
Bubble51: I am dying to get more info on her..sometimes I feellike it's an
obsession
FLAADOPTEE: I can relate to that Bubbles
Kings Kid3: greetings everyone
Bubble51: She stated in her letter that maybe someday we could meet but not
right now too much going
MRSSTAN: actually as easy as counter top stuff, they have lots of new kinds
now, (too many!!) and
FLAADOPTEE: hello Kings
Lisa Rick: Bubble, I do not know about Wa, better send an email to Laznlady
and see what she suggests
Bubble51: on 9n her life right now. Sounded scared to me
MRSSTAN: that's my problem, making a decision!!! oh well, i guess i'll sleep
on it. See you guys
MRSSTAN: later
Bubble51: She said she had never thought about finding me
Gaylehatch: I'm obsessed with finding my b-mom but I'm no closer than when I
satarted
Gaylehatch: started
Bubble51: Said she never thought about possibility of having siblings!
BEEBOP123: I know how you feel
Kings Kid3: flaadoptee where in Fla?
MLB12350: Gayle where are you searching?
Bubble51: Kings..its in the Everglades
FLAADOPTEE: I was born in Miami now live in Birmingham Ala
BEEBOP123: Anyone have any sugggestions I was born in VA adopted in NC
Lisa Rick: Gayle, what info do you have so far? What state were you born in?
Gaylehatch: Ohio but she wasn't born there
Bubble51: Gayle, are you a b mon and an adoptee?
DebSPR: What happened connie?
Gaylehatch: I'm an adoptee with a child with some sort of strange lung
disease
CFRIES6: sorry guys, I got bounced
Gaylehatch: would like to think that it's heredity
Bubble51: What blows me away is the lies they told us when we were still in
the hospital
CFRIES6: I'm ready to throw this computer out the window
Bubble51: Oh Gayle, so sorry hope it's not fatal
DebSPR: Must be frustrating...
Gaylehatch: I was born in Ohio in 1951. Have b-mom name. Vivian Irene Rhoden
Lisa Rick: Has everyone searching sent in an ISRR form?
Bubble51: Yes
BEEBOP123: YES!!!!!!!!1
FLAADOPTEE: yes
MLB12350: YES
Gaylehatch: Think it's a made up name as we can't seem to find any tracks
CFRIES6: Lisa, I haven't heard from my bro yet, but he's still telling my mom
he wants to talk
DebSPR: Yes...I'm getting the new breast cancer gene test as a result of my
"find".
CFRIES6: yes
Bubble51: So, do you all think I should keep on snooping or wait?
Lisa Rick: Bubble, contact Lazn
Bubble51: I want to see her picture. I want to talk to her on the
phone...then I will be satisfied.
MLB12350: SNOOP
FLAADOPTEE: do your search Bubbles but give her time to adjust
Lisa Rick: Gayle, do you find anyone in the area with that surname?
Gaylehatch: How old is she Bubbles?
Bubble51: I will contact Lazn..I have given her 8 months so far. how long is
long enough? I have waite
CFRIES6: Deb, I talked to Robin today. I needed some info on allergies. She
was a big help
Bubble51: 34 years now
Gaylehatch: No we've contcted all. Have someone looking up birth
annoncements from the same week I
DebSPR: Did she ask about me?
Gaylehatch: was born
CFRIES6: no
DebSPR: Good...
Lisa Rick: Gayle, what state was she borrn in?
CFRIES6: I didn't mention anything either. We just talked about Jessica and
chemical allergies
Gaylehatch: I was 42 when I developed an interest in my birthparents
DebSPR: So...Connie..you'll be glad that I got really angry about the email
today....really angry...
Lisa Rick: Bubble, I had to wait 2 years and 2 months for my son to return my
contact
Bubble51: I wonder why it took so long Gayle...is that common?
DebSPR: I think I'm going to call him (bdad) and give him a piece of my mind.
Gaylehatch: My b-cert says Charlestown, West Va but they have no record there
CFRIES6: and......? What did you do? Is that your letter that I haven't read
yet?
Gaylehatch: I was a happy camper. I loved my parents and would never have
hurt them
Bubble51: Lisa, so are you still in contact with each other?
Lisa Rick: Then maybe that is her married name!! Do you have a date of birth?
JN4NIER: I have an adopted daughter who wanted to be re-united and an adopted
son that refused
DebSPR: No....I just sent him a quick one saying that I was taken aback my
the anger and insensitivity in
Bubble51: Gayle, did you really feel that you would hurt them by knowing you
Bmom? Did they tell you
CFRIES6: YOU GO GIRL!!! give me his number and I'll give him a piece of mine
too!
JN4NIER: to meet his b-mom for one year
MLB12350: Gayle if it took you that long theres still hope my daughter will
want to find me too!!
Bubble51: that or did you just feel that loyalty
Lisa Rick: Bubble, no , I had a little over a month of email and email chat
withn him, I am in the
DebSPR: his email.....but I'm turning REALLY angry....
Gaylehatch: The welfare office has a b-date but won't give to me. Dan at
Folksfind is working on it as
Gaylehatch: speak
Lisa Rick: "waiting room "again now.
DebSPR: How dare he think that he can possibly know how I feel....and tell me
that I'm wrong....
CFRIES6: Didn't I hear that somewhere before, Deb? :)
DebSPR: And...I'm going to tell him that if he keeps throwing up the
'grandmother' thing, then
CFRIES6: Please Deb, can I call him??
Gaylehatch: I was happy and had no reason to look until my child became ill
and my parents were gone
CFRIES6: or email him??
DebSPR: I'll list his: fin. release form, letting his wife send those
terrible emails...
Bubble51: Gayle, weren't you ever curious? My daughter said the same
thing..never entered her mind
Lisa Rick: Deb and Cfries, do you two want to share this problem? Maybe
someone has some insight
Bubble51: All the books I have rad on adoption say that adoptees ALWAYS are
curious but are afraid of
CFRIES6: Deb needs a group hug. she's had a bad couple days.
DebSPR: Sure....my bdad's wife is unbearable....she's making my life
miserable.
Bubble51: being rejected again..what do you think from your standpoint? True
or not
CFRIES6: Bubble, it's TRUE
DebSPR: And now he's jumped on the bandwagon...she's threatening to leave
him....and blames me.
Gaylehatch: Sure, you think of your birthmom on your birthday but I think I
repressed those feelings
CFRIES6: I'm 17 months into my reunion and I still feel that way
Gaylehatch: they were gone.
Bubble51: Deb she can only make your life miseralble if you LET her.
Lisa Rick: In my opinion it is wrong to contact the aparnts first !! No
offense JN4
CFRIES6: why should you have to repress, Gayle?
Gaylehatch: I had great parents but the genetic thing is sooooo... important.
JN4NIER: No offense taken
Bubble51: I have read that a lot of feelings get reapressed...preservation I
suppose
DebSPR: That's a good point....and I've put her out of my mind...but lately
she's brainwashing my bdad...
Lisa Rick: Adoptees that are adults need to be contacted first, make up their
own minds. Make their
Lisa Rick: own decisions.
CFRIES6: Bubble, trust me, this woman is way out of control
Bubble51: Lisa I know it is wrong to contact the Aparetns first especially if
they are in their 60's
Gaylehatch: I had a Mother who could not tolerate my relationship with her
Mother !! A birth mother
Gaylehatch: would have made my mother crazier than she was !!
Bubble51: Deb. its his choice you know...there is nothing you can do about
how he feels
Bubble51: She sounds like a real -----
DebSPR: Yeah....but it's hard to know when he's going to be nice...and when's
he going to be mean.
CFRIES6: part of it Bubble, is that he's been leading Deb on and now he's
treating her horribly
Bubble51: Maybe a little Bi-polar in the family genes?
DebSPR: Or alcoholism...
Lisa Rick: Deb, if you have sent a heartfelt letter, and photos of you and
your kids then you have to
Bubble51: Sounds like a person to stay away from Deb don't dance the dance
Gaylehatch: I do a lot of work with mental illness and I'd agree on Bi-polar
!
CFRIES6: he will not acknowledge any of Deb's feelings and is telling her she
really doesn't feel lik
DebSPR: Actually...that's my birthmom...but that's another story...how in the
world did I turn out OK???
CFRIES6: like this
Lisa Rick: let him make his own mind up. Why is his wife so thrreatened? How
long have they ben married
Radiodirt: whats the subjet here?
DebSPR: My bmom is in a mental hospital...went in on my first birthday...
Bubble51: Because you didn't have them in your life!
DebSPR: They've been married for 30 years....I think she feels threatened
because he cheated on her...
Bubble51: the shoe is on the other foot Deb...you need to back out for a
while..maybe a year or two
Cigi 3: Well good luck to all searching...gotta run..but hang in there...OH
BTW...sometimes it just
DebSPR: and I just remind her of that...(even though I was befor her time..)
CFRIES6: she's very insecure. Tell them about the book she's reading Deb
Cigi 3: takes a bit longer...gal here on line just found dghtr...afater 36
yrs!! today!
Bubble51: CONGRATUALTIONS!!!!!
CFRIES6: Cool!! Nite Cigi
Radiodirt: woo hooo!
DebSPR: Yeah...she's reading a book and told him that reunions can cause
divorces...
Cigi 3: not me...RuthGin....
Gaylehatch: OH how lucky they are !
MLB12350: Who? How? Where?
Bubble51: aNYTHING CAN HAPPEN!
CFRIES6: Ruth!! She finally did it?? I'm thrilled for her!!
Bubble51: Ever heard of the movie Dumb and Dumber?
Cigi 3: I washelpingher here in MA...and everything came together...tomorrow
she sends a letter to
Cigi 3: agency and they're passing it on to dghtr...
Lisa Rick: Deb, what book?
Bubble51: It's so exciting Cigi
Radiodirt: I know that feeling, and i loved it
DebSPR: I asked him and he didn't know the name of it...
Cigi 3: I am soooooooo happy for her...so hang in there...good things come to
those who wait..or
Cigi 3: so Ruth now believes!
Lisa Rick: Deb, was he married to this woman when you were concieved?
MLB12350: How did she find out her name??Cigi
CFRIES6: Deb, tell them what she said the book was about.
DebSPR: No....I was years before her...and there even was another marriage...
Cigi 3: Well the a/agency is near me...she's in Ariz..and I've been calling
and cking in with them
DebSPR: Cfries....what was the book about...I don't remember?
Bubble51: Deb it could be much worse..I belong to a support group and one
woman (in her 50's) has
Cigi 3: she put a letter in her file and when she did...they found a letter
already there from dghtr
Cigi 3: from l990!..
Lisa Rick: Oh, she is really jealous, perhaps he has given her reason in the
past
Bubble51: been writing to her B mom for three years but B mom won't let her
meet in person. Then when
CFRIES6: Wasn't it something like reunions break up marraiges? That's why I
wanted you to tell cus
Bubble51: Daughter said she was coming to her town....the old bat moved....at
the age of 80 something
CFRIES6: I couldn't remember
Bubble51: she just takes off!
Cigi 3: oh thats awful Bubble she must have been devastated!
DebSPR: Yikes....yes...I guess things could be worse....that's what so great
about chats...
CFRIES6: That's horrible Bubble
DebSPR: hearing about those stories that are worse...
Bubble51: That woman is might sad! Thats putting it mildly!
DebSPR: After a wonderful reunion with my bmom..she's now claiming that I'm
not her daughter....
Cigi 3: Well goodnite all...take care...
CFRIES6: nite cigi
Bubble51: Oh my God! Deb.....
Lisa Rick: What state is everyone searching in?
MLB12350: Nite Cigi!!!
Gaylehatch: Nite Cigi
DebSPR: Do I get the "purple heart" of reunions?
MLB12350: Oklahoma here!!!
Gaylehatch: Ohio
Lisa Rick: Deb, is she still ill?
DebSPR: Sorry...didn't mean to whine...
Bubble51: I live in Washington and I think my daughter does too. but t mnot
sure of even that
CFRIES6: you get a dozen after what you've gone through
Gaylehatch: Maybe I don't want to find her afterall Deb!
DebSPR: Yes....she's had problems ever since the reliquishment.
Bubble51: Deb I was just reaching for the cheese to go with the Whine
Cigi 3: gotta stay...Ruth is on her way here!
CFRIES6: I think whining is allowed
DebSPR: Gayle...don't let my story discourage you...I'd do it again tomorrow.
Bubble51: Wne and cheese...now I am hungry!
Gaylehatch: I think her name is false, doubt that I ever will find her..
DebSPR: My bmom and I had two wonderful weeks together....
Lisa Rick: Deb, what is the pproblem with your bmom? Does she have other
kids?
Bubble51: Each and everyone of us will have a different story..thats cool....
CFRIES6: I don't know how much longer I can hold on tonight. I'm feeling
worse
RuthGin1: Hi there here i am
Cigi 3: {{{{{{{Ruth & her butterflies}}}}}}}
RuthGin1: you better beleive it.
Gaylehatch: Congrat RUTH!!!!!!!!!
CFRIES6: CONGRATS RUTH!!!!!
Bubble51: Hi Ruth who ever you are
DebSPR: No...she never married or had other children....her chart says
"schizo affective"...but they say
RuthGin1: the clouds are still too high
Cigi 3: Ruth...I kinda let the cat out of the bag...
CFRIES6: I'm so happy for you!!!
Lisa Rick: Congrats Ruth!!!
Cigi 3: but I waited and waited for you...
MLB12350: I am so happy for you Ruth!!!!!!'
RuthGin1: Bubble I was there mon nite
DebSPR: that she had a "great sense of grief" and "loss"...sounds like she
never had anyone to
Bubble51: I AM VERY VERY HAPPY FOR YOU
Bubble51: You were?
DebSPR: talk to about the reliquishment...she always landed in the hospital
around my b'day every year.
Bubble51: I have advancing senility!
RuthGin1: thanks guys. I just got home and here I am
Cigi 3: But they haven't been in touch yet..her dghtr wants to take it nice
and slow...which is o.k.
Cigi 3: Ruth did you do up the letter Nuala asked for?
RuthGin1: I still can't beleive it. You guys if you ever need help cigi is
the person
CFRIES6: From an adoptee to a bmom, {{{{Ruth}}}}}}
DebSPR: You must feel so relieved.....
Cigi 3: onlycause it was here in MA Ruth...made it easier...
RuthGin1: No I have to do the letter now but I wanted to see if you were
still on first.
Bubble51: Ya know there is power in numbers and if we all stick together
toward a common goal
Bubble51: we can do anything
Gaylehatch: Deb there are lots of issues with mental illness. Don't take
ownership for her problems..
CFRIES6: nothing wrong with slow
DebSPR: Thanks Gayle....no I'm not...
RuthGin1: I know honey but without you I really don't think it would have
happen so fast.
Cigi 3: seems to me you've waited long enuf Ruth...36 yrs!...you paid your
dues and then some!
RuthGin1: Yes I know the number game and HIS # is GOD
CFRIES6: Deb, did you send the email, or are you planning one?
Cigi 3: :)
Bubble51: On one of the bulletin boards I was reading someone wrote that her
Bmom had cried at the
DebSPR: I sent out a short one...like I said...but I'm going to call him in
the next day or two...
Bubble51: relinquishment and that she had never stopped crying since...was
sthat you who wrote that
Bubble51: Deb
Cigi 3: well can I be one of his angels with rusty halo?
CFRIES6: I say give it to him
RuthGin1: my son and I both cried this morning when I got the news.
DebSPR: Bubble...yes...that sounds like my reunion story...
CFRIES6: Sounds like you're already one cigi. and not a rusty halo for you
my dear!
Bubble51: It made me cry Deb
Gaylehatch: It will help you to vent your anger but it may not affect your
Father at all if he truly has
RuthGin1: I can relate to that Bubble. I have been crying for 36 years. BUT
TODAY I CAN SMILE
Gaylehatch: a mental illness.
Cigi 3: trust me CF...its rusty, its old and its downright crooked!
DebSPR: I'm glad it touched you...
Gaylehatch: Some are never affected by anything and their ego takes over.
Bubble51: No one ever understood my crying...I was always alone with that
IwasAnne: did you find your daughter, Ruth?
RuthGin1: hI ANNE
Lisa Rick: Deb, was she ill before the relinquishment?
Cigi 3: Listen Ruth...I have got to go...catch some shuteye...7.5 hrs sleep
in 48 hrs and catching u
Cigi 3: up with me...
Bubble51: I felt like there was something wrong with me...like why should I
be sad, I should be conten
DebSPR: No....according to the records her first admittance was on my first
birthday...
CFRIES6: Ruth, they say everyone has an angel, guess cigi was yours :)
RuthGin1: YES TODAY. SHE WANTS ME TO WRITE HER A LETTER TONIGHT AND FAX IT IN
THE AM
Bubble51: with the decision that was made FOR ME
Cigi 3: You write me tomorrow...you hear?
RuthGin1: YOU BETTER BELEIVE THAT ONE CF.
Bubble51: rUTH YOU ARE SO LUCKY!
IwasAnne: that's so great! I'm happy for you!
Gaylehatch: Aren't faxes great !!
RuthGin1: MAYBE I'LL CALL YOU.
MLB12350: Nite everyone! GOOD LUCK RUTH!!!!!!!!!!!
RuthGin1: THANKS MLB
JN4NIER: Ruth, I'm very happy for you and your daughter. Good night all
Bubble51: Good night MLB
RuthGin1: GOODNITE
Bubble51: Night Jn
RuthGin1: HI DEE
IwasAnne: you're story gives me hope...I'm just 1 year older than your
daughter...searching 20 years
Cigi 3: I'll be here...if I don't hear from you, I'll calll
you!...nite...nite...
RuthGin1: NITE JN
RuthGin1: BYE DEE
Lisa Rick: Hi Anne
CFRIES6: I'm going too. Deb, call me if you need anything. Good luck Ruth.
RuthGin1: I JUST STARTED SEARCHING IN VAIN IN JULY 1996
Bubble51: Why searching for 20 years, Are you using a service or PI
DebSPR: Thanks Connie....I'll let you know....thanks for your support...
IwasAnne: Hi Lisa! How's San Diego?
CFRIES6: anytime pal
Lisa Rick: Night all who are leaving, feel better soon
DebSPR: Night everyone....congrats Ruth...savor this moment forever...
CFRIES6: thanks Lisa
Gaylehatch: My bed is calling meeeeeee !! Nite all !
Bubble51: nite Gayle..nice meeting you
DebSPR: Nice meeting you Lisa...
IwasAnne: I've used 3 searchers...just haven't had any luck
RuthGin1: I AM ON CLOUD 9999999?
Lisa Rick: Nice meeting you too.
Bubble51: What state Anne I was anne? what does that mean?
RuthGin1: i HAVE TO GO WRITE A LETTER TO FAX IN THE AM. TALK TO ALL OF YOU
LATER.
IwasAnne: had your daughter ever searched herself, Ruth?
Bubble51: Good night Ruth, bet ya can't sleep good tonight@!
Lisa Rick: Night Ruth, ( you won't get much sleep tonight)!!! <G>
IwasAnne: Anne is my birthname...I was born in CA
IwasAnne: night Ruth...Good Luck!
Bubble51: oh
RuthGin1: NO SHE HAD A LETTER PUT IN HER FILE IN 1990. SO IF I EVER TRY THEY
WOULD CONTACT HER.
RuthGin1: I DIDN'T GET MUCH LAST NIGHT EITHER
RuthGin1: THERE IS A 3 HOUR TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AZ & MA
RuthGin1: I HAD TO CALL BACK THERE THIS AM
RuthGin1: 3 HOURS SLEEP BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT.
IwasAnne: let us all know what happens!
RuthGin1: TALK TO YOU ALL LATTER. NITE GUYS.
RuthGin1: I WILL
Bubble51: I think I'm gonna hit the sack...so, will you all be back next Wed?
IwasAnne: geez, gotta go...
Bubble51: I will be here.
Lisa Rick: Well another happy person, so many more to find though
Bubble51: Too true!
Sharo18948: Did Ruth find her birthdaughter?
Lisa Rick: I will probabally be here
Sharo18948: I missed it.
Lisa Rick: Yes, Ruth found
Lisa Rick: Sharo, are you searching?
Bubble51: They should have a TV show once a week could call it " Searchers"
and the "people being soug
Bubble51: Sought"!
Sharo18948: No--I was almost a birthmom . . .
Bubble51: Like America's most wanted????
Sharo18948: Still interested in adoption issues, tho' after my "experience"
Lisa Rick: I think so too. I thought that maybe Geraldo could do a once a
week show on searching
Bubble51: Or " Searchers" and "Hiders"
Lisa Rick: since he is supposed to be a different kind of talk show now
Sharo18948: Are you both searching? and for who?
Bubble51: I am searchin' for my daugher, actually she has been locatedby
WARM(Washington
Lisa Rick: I found my son 2 years ago
Bubble51: Adoption Rights Group) but she has reused reunion at this time..she
has too much going
Bubble51: on in her life>
Lisa Rick: Bubble, I sure don't like that they contacted her parents
Sharo18948: What does WARM do?
Lisa Rick: How do you know that she has ever been contacted?
Bubble51: Me neither, but ya know, the intermediary called me and said we
cant find your da..we did
Bubble51: find A parents though, so do you want us to contact them and they
can contravt her
Bubble51: Of course I was so excited I said yes
Bubble51: I didn't realize the scope of the issues here
Lisa Rick: I have seen that backfire too many times!!
Sharo18948: How old is your dau, Bubble?
Bubble51: My da is 34...She wrote to me through the intermediary in Feb of
this year.
Lisa Rick: What was your searchers name?
Bubble51: Joan
Sharo18948: Do you have any opinions about open adoption?
Bubble51: She later told me that one of the service people had made an error
and my daughters infor
Bubble51: was there all along and they had missed it!
Lisa Rick: If adoption of infants Have to be, then that is the way to go
Bubble51: I have reservations about open adoption
Sharo18948: Why?
Lisa Rick: Sharo, are you considering this?
Bubble51: Because, I think the child needs to have a life of his/her own with
parents until he/she is
Bubble51: old enough to decide if he wants to meet Bmom. I think life is
hard enough for kids today
Sharo18948: No, I DID consider it when I was pregnant
Bubble51: without having the added pressure of two moms
Lisa Rick: I am on the open adoption triad mailing list, I hear wonderful
things about open adoption
Sharo18948: I would never have given my child to someone I didn't personally
choose.
Bubble51: I guess I am not very well informed, never meant anyone in the
triad
Sharo18948: Unfortunately, Open adoption isn't legally binding, despite the
fact that the agency insinuated that
Bubble51: Sharon, when I relinquised my baby in 1962, thats the only way
there was
Sharo18948: it was.
Lisa Rick: I didn't have that choice in 73, in fact I didn't have any
choice,my parents MADE me
Lisa Rick: relinquish my son
Bubble51: Me too Lisa
Sharo18948: I know, Bubble. I'm glad women have more choices now.
Bubble51: I didn't see her or hold her. My mom said its's best if I didn't
and I believed her
Lisa Rick: Sharo, what state do you live in?
Sharo18948: I can't imagine what it must feel like to have someone MAKE you
give away a child and think that
Sharo18948: you will never see that child again.
Bubble51: My mom died three months ago..I am still sad over that so I can't
be angry at her anymore
Sharo18948: I live in CA
Bubble51: She did what she felt was right for the time....thats what people
did
Lisa Rick: I wonder when my hate will go away
Lisa Rick: Sharo, do you have any regrets?
Bubble51: Hate is a waste of energy....Use your energy for good things Lisa
Sharo18948: Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing by keeping him. It
is very hard to raise a child as
Lisa Rick: Mine has just started fading when my son finally contacted me in
email
Bubble51: Sharo, how old is he now
Sharo18948: a single parent, and even tho' I LOVE him, I don't like being a
parent. You give up alot and its alot
Sharo18948: of work.
Lisa Rick: How old are you, how old is your son?
Sharo18948: Also, I wonder if keeping him was best for him. I hope so, in
the long run!
Sharo18948: Only 9 mos. old! And still not sleeping through the night!! :)
Bubble51: Lisa, why the hate then?
Sharo18948: I'm 36.
Bubble51: He's so little...wait till he a teenager, then you will really
wonder why you kept him,(kidd
Lisa Rick: I don't know that it is hate so much as lack of forgivness for
them
Bubble51: Just kidding!
Sharo18948: BELIEVE ME, I KNOW!! I'm scared . . . Although I heard they
sleep through the night then.
Bubble51: But Lisa, they could only do what society dictated for the times.
Remember, it was a disg
Lisa Rick: Sharo, where in Ca do you live?
Bubble51: disgrace to have illegitimate kids,,,thats what they called them,
remember?
Sharo18948: San Francisco Bay Area
Lisa Rick: I don't care, I was ready to give them up and move away with my
son
Bubble51: No, Sharo, they sleep through the day and kick up their heels at
night, just like now exceot
Sharo18948: How old were each of you when you relinquished?
Bubble51: except they are bigger and louder! LOL
Sharo18948: LOL!
Bubble51: What would you have lived on Lisa?
Lisa Rick: They were horrid to me just becouse my son is biracial
Bubble51: I was 16 when I had my daughter
Lisa Rick: I was going to live with his dad, or his mom
Bubble51: Lisa, in 1973 that was a big deal
Lisa Rick: I had just turned 17
Bubble51: As a race, we have become more and more tolerant, that is good and
not good
Lisa Rick: I don't care, I married the bdad when I was 18 anyway. It did not
last but 5 years though.
Sharo18948: So does WARM get involved with Birthparent rights? Adoptee
rights? or Adoptive parents rights?
Bubble51: I still believe that teenage girls are not ready to be mothers,
single mothers
Lisa Rick: He reminded me constantly that I gave his son away to strangers
Bubble51: I think the government is doing a great disservice in allowing
youngmoms to kee their babies
Sharo18948: Five years isn't bad, for getting married at 18
Bubble51: and go on welfare. I work with these moms daily and it is very
scarey for the innocent kids
Sharo18948: Yeh, I was going to say, It seems like relinquishment would put a
strain on a relationship
Lisa Rick: Oh, I do not agree, If the government EVER gets to the point of
taking girls babys away I
Sharo18948: But should the govenment take the kids away?
Lisa Rick: will be picketing everyday
Bubble51: No they should not take the babies away. but here is my
opinion....the girls parents and the
Sharo18948: I'll be there with you Lisa. I agree, teenagers should not be
moms. But after having gone thru the
Bubble51: boys parents should have to support the mom and the baby if she
wants to keep the baby.
Bubble51: they should support her financially and emotionally and if they
can't do that for what ever
Sharo18948: relinquishment process, I strongly feel we can't take kids away
from parents, in most cases.
Bubble51: reason, then an open adoption should take place
Bubble51: too many babies are beat up by boyfriends, by moms, by stupid
babysitters
Lisa Rick: BUT if they don't that is a form of coerision, just like in my
case and thousands of others
Sharo18948: Okay, Bubbles, I go along with that to a point. I would like to
see families pitching in to help.
Bubble51: Thats it families helping..it takes a village to raise a child and
that is true!
Sharo18948: And I would like to see parenting classes in highschools that
tell kids it is VERY OKAY to choose
Sharo18948: not to parent, now or ever. There is too much pressure to have
babies, for all of us.
Bubble51: I think they should put birth control pills in the drinking water
at all high schools! LOL
Lisa Rick: That is true, but hopefully this message will come before the
girls get pregnant
Lisa Rick: HI Mama
Bubble51: As long as there is welfare and the appeal of living on your own if
you get pregnant, girls
Sharo18948: It does take a village. I get real scared about some of the
legislation that's going on. Someone
Bubble51: girls will get pregnant and keep their babies
Sharo18948: on one of these boards said there is a case in NJ that says that
if a woman relinquishes she is an
Sharo18948: unfit mother and MUST relinquish future children.
Bubble51: That is hard t believe
Lisa Rick: WHAT????
Bubble51: Maybe someone misunderstood
Lisa Rick: Hi Trim
Lisa Rick: Hi Mama
Sharo18948: That's what they said. I think it is on the Laws and legislation
board. Posted in Aug or Sept.
Sharo18948: It was hard for me to believe too. Maybe I'll email him and ask
about it.
Bubble51: I really must get to bed.....I get up at 5:30. will I see you guys
later?
Bubble51: Not see ya...talk at cha?
Lisa Rick: Geeze, I do not believe the government needs that kind of power at
all on anyone
Sharo18948: Maybe--I'm trying to save money!!
Lisa Rick: I know that feeling!!<G>
Bubble51: Ys can't take it with ya
Lisa Rick: I usually moderate this chat every Wed
Sharo18948: Neither do I Lisa, and if it is true they will hear from me. Bye
Bubbles!! I will be back, just not
Sharo18948: as often!
PACWPB: Is this a formal chat?
Bubble51: Good night Sharo and keep up the good parenting...you will do find
Lisa Rick: Sharo, I will be glad to talk to you about your baby. I have a 4
year old and he took foreve
Bubble51: Oops I mean FINE!
Lisa Rick: to slep through the night
Bubble51: i HAVE NO KIDS AT HOME
Bubble51: i HAVE 4 GRANDKIDS! i LOVE THEM SO MUCH....a
Sharo18948: Dogs are easier. I recommend them.
Lisa Rick: Pac, this is open chat on adoption
PACWPB: Are you all adoptive parents, or are there any adoptees here?
Bubble51: And now I am really leaving..I have two German Sheps too and yes
they are work
Lisa Rick: I am a bmom
PACWPB: Reunited?
Lisa Rick: Yes, kinda, through e-mail only
PACWPB: Can you help me with some questions?
Lisa Rick: Sharo, was your baby premature?
Sharo18948: Yes, 6 weeks. We'll try, PAC
Lisa Rick: Pac, yes go ahead
PACWPB: My birth family and I have been reunited for 4 years, but bmom still
hasn't told her family.
PACWPB: I want to make contact with my 3 half-brothers. Youngest now 18. I
will be 30 this year.
Sharo18948: Wow. Who does her family consist of?
PACWPB: My husband of nine years and I have a beautiful 18 month old son with
red hair just like
Lisa Rick: Pac, why doesshe say that it is taking her so long?
PACWPB: my youngest brother. NO one else in family has red hair. Just sent
her a letter asking
PACWPB: her to tell them. Thinking of giving her a chance, then contacting
them myself. I haven't
Lisa Rick: Hoe is your relationship with her so far?
PACWPB: heard from her in 2 months, after the first year or so of frequent
contact and some visits.
Lisa Rick: How
PACWPB: She went through a rough divorce-took 4 years--after 25 year
marriage.
Sharo18948: Why doesn't she want her family to know?
Lisa Rick: Give us a little background on her. Does her parents and sibs know
PACWPB: But now it is final, and I am wondering.....She has not been in close
touch with her family
PACWPB: But her grandmother who raised her lives 2 hours from me, and I
finally went up there and
PACWPB: met her at least--just my great-grandma- in a rest home. She came to
see me at the hospital
PACWPB: and told me the story. She will be 93 this month, and she said I
waited too long to meet.
PACWPB: But, haven't told bmom about visit. She never offered to introduce
us or anything......
Sharo18948: It's good you got to meet her.
Lisa Rick: Hi Bren
PACWPB: Yes, but my grandmother and other relatives are also there. REally
want to make contact
Lisa Rick: Pac, why does she say that she hasn't told anyone
BRENROGERS: Hi Lisa
PACWPB: with my 3 brothers. It's all complicated. Bmom told her high school
boyfriend I was his,
PACWPB: and his info. was in my file as being my father. DNA test proved
another man is my bdad
PACWPB: Reunited with him and his family, and he and my bmom have been close
friends.....
PACWPB: BUT, this old friend who she is also in touch with still thinks he
has a daughter with her
Sharo18948: OH . . .
PACWPB: and he does not know that we have been reunited. I also feel very
uncomfortable being
PACWPB: the subject of a lie, and would like to contact him, too. My afamily
and I grew very fond
PACWPB: of his nonid. info. thinking he was my father for 26 years. I know
his name and #, etc.....
Sharo18948: I personally think your bmom should be honest with everyone, it
would be the right thing to do. But
Sharo18948: you can't make her do that.
PACWPB: I don't want to blow the whole relationship with her. But she has
been growing more
PACWPB: distant, and she changes the subject in the last conversation we had
about anything to do
PACWPB: with her feelings, or discussing anything emotional at all. Her
boyfriend is not supportive
PACWPB: although they both visited us here last year....:-(
PACWPB: Love her very much. Just want my brothers to know I exist and that I
care about them.
Sharo18948: PAC, I wouldn't want to advise you because I wouldn't want to
advise you wrong in such an important
PACWPB: She has sent me pics. and told me all about their lives. She asked
that I hang up on my
Lisa Rick: Have you been to her home? I am confused as to how you ruled the
firsdt mman out as your
Lisa Rick: bdad.
PACWPB: youngest bro. when I have called her in the past. Hard to stay in
the shadows....
Sharo18948: issue. However, I would not move too fast and ruin the
relationship with your mom. Can you go to a
Sharo18948: family counselor?
PACWPB: Visited her and bdad twice in CA. I'm in FL. DNA test was done with
3 of us through mail.
PACWPB: Been to her home one visit, but she kept me a secret, and it was
while he was at school.
Lisa Rick: If one man was in the file, how did the other one come about? Why
did you question the firs
Lisa Rick: one?
PACWPB: She told me that the first one was not my bdad. Since I had his
name, she asked that I
PACWPB: not call him, and then several months after initial contact told me
who my bdad was....
PACWPB: She kept pics. of me all these years, and even at a week old, I
looked just like my bdad...
Lisa Rick: OH, but the first one still thinks he has a child with her?
PACWPB: I have brown eyes, and she and other man both have blue. My bdad has
brown, too.
Sharo18948: Don't you think first man may have suspected something?
PACWPB: Yes, this other man is an attorney in same small town they all 3 grew
up in --PA
PACWPB: My bmom is very good at covering her tracks, so don't think he
suspects a thing.....
PACWPB: My bdad and this other man were high school rivals......but friends
have said that since he
Lisa Rick: Why did she name him as your bdad?
PACWPB: has thought in his heart all these years that I was his, maybe he
would still want to know
PACWPB: me. He was her boyfriend, and he and his family sent money to
support her during pregn.
PACWPB: My true bdad and her were only together a couple of times, so he
didn't really believe I
PACWPB: was his, and he left the country. By the time he came back, I was
given up...
PACWPB: The first man has never married and has no children.
Lisa Rick: Wow, alot of tracks to cover
PACWPB: I am my true bdad's only child. The only child in his family. I am
bmom's only daughter....
PACWPB: I am a very honest person, and am very uncomfortable knowing this man
thinks I am his,
PACWPB: and doesn't even know that we have been reunited for 4 years......
Sharo18948: Oh, no--someone is calling me--Pac, very good luck with this
one--I wish you well, and please let
Sharo18948: me know what happens. Good night, Lisa!!
Lisa Rick: I do not know the answer here, but I think I would
Lisa Rick: Night
PACWPB: But, I want to contact my brothers. They are 24, 23, and now 18.
Lisa Rick: Send me email
PACWPB: Thanks Shar. :-)
Lisa Rick: write to her ansd ask her to tell them, if not that you are
PACWPB: Yes, I wrote her a very friendly letter telling her that I am eager
to make contact with
Lisa Rick: BUT, give her a timeframe, give her some of the reasons that this
is so important to you
PACWPB: them.....it's been 2 weeks now and I haven't heard from her. 2
months with nothing...
Lisa Rick: Perhaps you shpould send her some books on adoption /reunion so
she can understand that this
Lisa Rick: is not uncommon.
PACWPB: Sent her about 6 for her birthday in June. She had actually read
Lost and Found years ago
PACWPB: I don't understand her delays....
Lisa Rick: Who searched?
PACWPB: I did, but she had been listed on a different registry than the one I
was on for many years.
Lisa Rick: Where does she live in Ca?
PACWPB: She and my bdad had been discussing me for almost 10 years and seeing
each other
PACWPB: consistently prior to my contact with her 4 years ago.
PACWPB: She is in Sacramento, and my bdad is in L.A. I am in FL. The other
man is in PA
Lisa Rick: Geeze, did her husband know about you?
PACWPB: Yes, he met her while she was pregnant with me, and drove her to the
hospital to have me.
PACWPB: Only he thinks the man in PA is my bdad, and he does not know that we
have reunited...
Lisa Rick: Wow, I am willing to talk to her if she is willing. I am a
birthmom and I am a searcher. I
PACWPB: Where are you?
Lisa Rick: I am in San Diego
Lisa Rick: I talk to many adoptees and birthparents every day
PACWPB: My bgrandma is there. Bdad's mom. Been there 3 years ago. Gorgeous
city. :-)
PACWPB: Very complicated. All of it. From every angle. I don't want to
make it more so.
PACWPB: I Just want my brothers to know I exist. If they want no more
contact than that, I am ok
Lisa Rick: I think that she is not rready to come out of the bmom closet to
her friends, and posibly
Lisa Rick: she is afraid that your brothers will think badly of her.
PACWPB: with that. IT all just feels so open-ended, and secretive.....she
has told her close friend
PACWPB: about me, and I even met a friend when I was there, and she and her
boyfriend came
Lisa Rick: They will know that hse is not the perfect mother
PACWPB: here last summer.....
Lisa Rick: What do you think Bren?
PACWPB: Thanks so much for your input. THought she understood so much, and
now I am not sure
PACWPB: I feel so frustrated like walking on eggshells......
BRENROGERS: I think that the truth is the only way to go THATS WHAT WE ARE
ALL LOOKING FOR
PACWPB: I am not really very patient, and 4 years has been a long time to
wait. What length of time
PACWPB: should I give her before making contact?
PACWPB: I was raised to believe that the truth should be highly valued, but I
can't make someone
Lisa Rick: I think you should give her till Christmas, then go for it on your
own, BUT she may really
PACWPB: else be truthful, and I don't want to increase her pain in the whole
thing.....
Lisa Rick: back away from you if you do this, are you willing to do that?
PACWPB: She has seemed to back away anyway. I called her around mother's
day--it had been
PACWPB: a while---we used to talk at least once a week for hours. When I
said I wished we could
PACWPB: just sit down and talk about everything for a while, she asked me how
the weather was.
PACWPB: THings really changed A LOT when my son was born. I think she is not
comfortable with
PACWPB: me being a mom and loving every minute of it. She spends a lot of
time complaining about
PACWPB: her sons, and she has an estranged relationship with the middle one,
who sided with his
PACWPB: dad in the whole divorce mess..........I envy the time that they have
spent with her....wish
PACWPB: she could be more comfortable with everything.
PACWPB: My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and are thrilled to
finally start a family.
Lisa Rick: If you do go ahead and contact them, you need to be prepared that
they may not believe it
PACWPB: They can ask their father about me. He met our mom when she was
preg. with me and
Lisa Rick: I think you should send each of them pictures of yourself and of
your children, and a very
PACWPB: he drove her to the hospital to have me. He also has a daughter by
another woman who
PACWPB: "found" him after many years when the boys were young, so they
already have another
Lisa Rick: heartfelt letter explaining why this is soooo important to you,
and to most adoptees so that
PACWPB: older sister who "showed up" from their father...........why is it so
different with me?
Lisa Rick: they can understand. Most people have no idea how an adoptee feels
about this
PACWPB: My bmom and I look nothing alike. My son looks exactly like my
youngest brother.
PACWPB: I have the old DNA papers showing who I am.....but I so much want HER
to tell them FIRST.
BRENROGERS: You have to be happy with yourself you do what you know in your
heart is the right thing
Lisa Rick: I understand, and I have NO Idea why she would not be open to this
especially after the dad
PACWPB: I have waited and waited, and I just want closure. I just want it
all finished.
Lisa Rick: has his own daughter. Maybe it is just the lie about your bdad
PACWPB: Some people have said that maybe there is more to it all that I don't
even know. NOw
PACWPB: I am wondering if I was her first, or maybe their are other even
bigger secrets....
Lisa Rick: That is what I was thinking at first, maybe there is another child
out there somewhere
PACWPB: I am an adult. All of these people are adults. Do you think it
would be right for me to
Lisa Rick: We find many multiples in our searches
PACWPB: contact this first man. My amom still talks fondly about his family
as if it was mine.
PACWPB: My bmom gave me a copy of my original bcertificate--blank name :-(
--- said single birth...
PACWPB: But she was 20 when she had me....
BRENROGERS: she already had a chance to make decisions when you were born may
your turn
PACWPB: I would absolutely LOVE to find another sibling. Always wanted a big
family--just more love
PACWPB: I never promised her I wouldn't contact anyone. Just an
understanding I guess.
Lisa Rick: Let em tell you about another adoptee in Fl and what she has found
so far......
PACWPB: But now I want my brothers to know they are also uncles, and the
oldest is close to
PACWPB: getting married himself.
Lisa Rick: Maybe she is waiting for you to ?? Easy way out
PACWPB: Then she will have something to complain about me for! Maybe she
does want that!
Lisa Rick: Why did her grandma raise her?
PACWPB: Just wish I knew how to make it a win-win situation for everyone
involved.....
PACWPB: Long story. She found out when she was almost 40 that her "older
sister" was really bmom
PACWPB: and grandma raised her as an adoptee. She says her mom still doesn't
talk about it.
Lisa Rick: Oh, that is why she is having all these problems, you should
understand that
PACWPB: She was the product of a one night affair while her mom was married,
and she still has the
PACWPB: same husband now, although he knows the whole story.
PACWPB: But she has talked to me for hours about growing up with no one
telling her the truth
PACWPB: and the whole town knowing except her, and how it was so important to
her.
Lisa Rick: She has had a terirble life, I know someone like this, they too
became a bmom
PACWPB: And she found her bdad then, and a few years after he died, and his
wife and daughter
PACWPB: don't want anything to do with my bmom, and she is not in close touch
with any family.
PACWPB: So sad for her, so why doesn't she understand that I want the truth
told and that my bros.
PACWPB: should know that they have an older sister, and are uncles, too.???
Lisa Rick: Maybe she is afraid to get close to anyopne, becouse it has never
worked out for her before.
PACWPB: She has had a hard life, and I most certainly don't want to compound
that for her, but when
PACWPB: when she refuses to communicate her feelings or emotions I am at a
complete loss....
Lisa Rick: She most likley does not know how!! She needs a good adoption
therapist, hard to find
PACWPB: She has never even sought any support group at all, not for the
divorce or anything
Lisa Rick: one though. I wish you luck. I am willing to talk anytime. I do
have to go now though. Let
PACWPB: She just doesn't talk about her feelings, but goes on having fun and
going out like nothing
PACWPB: is even bothering her
Lisa Rick: me know how it is going with you, and if you want me to talk to
her
PACWPB: Thank you, Lisa. I will give her some more time. I did mention to
her in the letter that
PACWPB: there are bmom support groups in her area, and that other bmoms have
found that their
Lisa Rick: I can relate, I am like that too. I guess it may be a bmom thing.
PACWPB: "other" kids took the news much better than they expected.....
Lisa Rick: I have always had a hard time with my feelings
PACWPB: Wish I knew what I could do to help her work through all the
emotions. I don't want
PACWPB: to make anything worse for her. I love her very much.
Lisa Rick: The other kids are old enough to mmake up their own minds
PACWPB: She is my mom, after all !!
PACWPB: Guess I will wait another month or so and pray that I hear from her
on a positive note.
Lisa Rick: Yes, how many of those reunion books have you read?<G>
PACWPB: Wish I had read more BEFORE my reunion. I think I really messed it
all up.....:-(
Lisa Rick: You know someone else that is going through this same thing is
cigi3 You may want to talk
Lisa Rick: to her too
PACWPB: Sure have learned lots in the last 4 years. Yes, I met Cigi a few
months ago.....
PACWPB: Been a while since I have been here to chat. Must do it more often.
PACWPB: Thanks so much for your insight. Much appreciated. I'll let you
know how it goes...
Lisa Rick: Yes, and I have learned tons in the last 3 years too. I had NO
idea how an adoptee feels!!
PACWPB: It is really hard some days. Wish we could just bag up the feelings
and toss them away!
Lisa Rick: I wish you all the luck. E-mail me anytime
PACWPB: Rejection really hurts...
PACWPB: Thank you again. Helps to talk about it....:-)
PACWPB: Goodnight, Lisa.
Lisa Rick: See you soon.
Lisa Rick: Night