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OnlineHost: OnlineHost: *** You are in "The Shade Tree". *** OnlineHost: Burchardi: Night, Berddie..... come again. Bubble51: Burch..someone else in Shade Tree on Sunday told me to contact you Burchardi: Welcome, Lisa Gaylehatch: Bubble How old is she ? Berddie: Thanks. Burchardi: Remember who, Bubble? Cigi 3: well.. the joe cool college look doesn't go far in his line of work... Quattrofan: Night room. Bubble51: oops I meant to say thre weeks...not three seeks! Cigi 3: Welcome LisaRick! Burchardi: Night, Quattro MRSSTAN: Hey Cig (new Subject) how did you ever do on the quitting smoking thing? FLAADOPTEE: hey Lisa Burchardi: Welcome, Weeble Hahase: Cigi you smoke? Bubble51: She will be 34 on October 3lst! I think it was Laznlady..or Mrowland MRSSTAN: oops WeebleJ: hi Burchardi: Welcome, Xdy Xdyedon8X: y0 Xdyedon8X: thnax Giselle 8s: hi Vkaja: I'm not leaving but just wanted to say THANKS to everyone for help in drying my tears!! Gaylehatch: I quit three weeks ago OH almost 4 wks ago with the patch Hahase: bet it was mrowland. Burchardi: Welcome, Giselle Vkaja: You guys are GREAT! Giselle 8s: what's the topic? FLAADOPTEE: Hahase..........when will the story be on? Cigi 3: cough, cough, ahem...the patch doesn't work...I never remember to put it on! MRSSTAN: whatever you want it to be Gis... but supposed to be adoption Bubble51: Oh Vkaja,,,things will get better Burchardi: Giselle, opent topic. Hahase: Come back anytime VK.. also there are great a/parent chats.you might want to check out. Hahase: It was just on. Xdyedon8X: whats the topic Cigi 3: Hahase..its my only vice....really! Vkaja: Hahase...where? Xdyedon8X: ???????? Bubble51: Gayle...I quit a year ago yesterday...somedays it still is a struggle..I got 25 lbs! MRSSTAN: we just went thru this Xd FLAADOPTEE: oh......missed it Burchardi: Open topic tonite........ anything about adoption. Hahase: Here in the adoption fourm.. to get a weekly list of topics.. e-mail Mrowland and let her Burchardi: Cigi, you're nose is growing. Hahase: know you want to get the weekly list. Hahase: That okay Cigi.. smoker here too.. Bubble51: I want some suggestions about what to do next now that Daughter has shunned me MRSSTAN: well Cigi, i didn't have one for 3 months then one day gave in and have been cheating ever Gaylehatch: Iquit 5yrs ago for 4yrs but new job 1 yr ago got me going again Bubble51: I found her through an intermediary (Washington State) and they won't tell me where she is Burchardi: Bubble.... stick w/ us.... that's one thing for sure. MRSSTAN: since.... hardly anyone knows though so plan to quit <again> Bubble51: I will, you guys are wonderful CORALUSK: I quit 7 years ago and gained 30 lbs...but lost it after another 5 years Burchardi: Bubble, you can still find her on your own.... but I would wait a few years. MRSSTAN: in those 4 years did you ever quit wanting one Gayle? Bubble51: Only thing though..In Dec we will be moving and I don't think the area (sticks) where we are Bubble51: moving has a line for AOL... Gaylehatch: Yes until I was around someone who smoked !! Really tough Just took a trip with a chain Hahase: Bubble there is an 800 number for aol. Gaylehatch: smoker REALLY tough Burchardi: Bubble, you can almost always find a line, even if it is a toll call. Bubble51: Finding on my own can be very expensive I have ehard...True? Cigi 3: ok...'almost' only vice... Bubble51: Wait a few years? Icould be dead! I am 52 now Burchardi: Bubble.... not necessarily.... I would est. a few hundred dollars. Bubble51: There is....an 800 access line ( server line) Hahase: Bubbles you know her name right? Cigi 3: Bubble...as long as you're near a big city you should be able to get a server...our town is Cigi 3: only 5,000 and we're lucky we have cable...no local access to puters thats for sure! Bubble51: Burch...who/what/where for a few hundered dollars? I spent $350 on WARM fr them to find Burchardi: What would Sister Mary Agatha say, Cigi? (was that the name?) Bubble51: and really they screwed it up cause they contacted the Aparents first cause they couldn't fi Burchardi: Bubble.... for a few hundred you could get a P.I. to get a name.... then do your own search. Bubble51: find her. so of course by the time the Aparent talked to the daughter, she got very upset Bubble51: her A parents were hurting Gaylehatch: Bubbles contact Folksfind on AOL he's great !! Cheap too ! Burchardi: Cigi.... you PAY for these phone calls? MRSSTAN: we don't have local access here either Cigi :-( Bubble51: and I think they really made her feel guilty FLAADOPTEE: how do you contact him? Gayle Bubble51: I will try that Thank yo ever so..do I Email hhim just Folksfind @ aol? Gaylehatch: E-mail Folksfind MRSSTAN: i found a way to use my cell phone with my home phone and get on for nothing Hahase: Laznlady is good too.. Cigi 3: NO....Burch...don't have to pay extra...within the same area code JN4NIER: You can use TCP-IP for an access number. FLAADOPTEE: hey Cfries Bubble51: MR...you are a sly fox! CFRIES6: Hi Guys Hahase: Hi Connie Burchardi: CFries...... where have you been girl? Gaylehatch: We have WAY TO GO installed on our computer. It makes aol cheaper and in sometimes free. Cigi 3: No Burch..thats Sister Mary Jo of the Perpetual Guilt... Burchardi: Welcome, Scouter MRSSTAN: i try really hard!!! really just couln't afford 5000. phone bill for aol CFRIES6: At bowling again. :) Did you all miss me that much?? CFRIES6: Hi Connie Cigi 3: Welcome CF!!! Burchardi: Oh, what was NN's nickname? CFRIES6: Hi Cigi FLAADOPTEE: hey MLB Bubble51: what is TCP-IP? Cigi 3: ;) MLB12350: Hi everyone! JN4NIER: Get to AOL through any service Burchardi: Welcome, MLB JN4NIER: once you're connected Cigi 3: sneaky Mrs. S....very sneaky... JN4NIER: no one should be paying telephone bills Maryann622: Gotta run...{{{{{{{nite room}}}}}} Burchardi: Welcome, BEE MLB12350: Thanks. Whats the topic this evening? Hahase: Night Maryann MRSSTAN: hey Cig, whatever works BEEBOP123: Thank you Cigi 3: Nite MA!! Burchardi: Night MA Cigi 3: ;) MRSSTAN: niters MA Bubble51: Hahase. no i don;'t know her name..WARM will not give any identifying infor until she signs Bubble51: a consent for contavt with me Hahase: Can't believe it someone just shot a gun off near here somewhere.. Burchardi: Open topic, but I think someone is taking over from Cigi and me.... You, Lisa? Cigi 3: Open Chat on Adoption here BeeBop...about to come to close...Searching Chat with LisaRick Cigi 3: on Tap... MLB12350: Hey!! You don't have to leave, I just got here..... Cigi 3: Really Connie? is it hunting season there? Burchardi: Nope.... one chat just dissolves into another.... same group.... different moderators. Cigi 3: not leaving...just turning over the reins... Hahase: Bubble, you might want to get in touch with Laznlady.. she might be able to point you in the Hahase: right direction.. CFRIES6: it's always hunting season where I am Cigi Burchardi: It's been fun gang...... gotta run.............. please stay and enjoy. Cigi 3: Bubble she is *really* good... Cigi 3: LOL... CFRIES6: Nite Burch Hahase: Hunting season in the Denver city limits NOT.. MRSSTAN: does anyone here have tile on their kitchen counters? Cigi 3: Goodnite Burchardi! Keep in touch!! MRSSTAN: {{{{{{{Burch}}}}}}} CFRIES6: Depends what you're hunting for, Connie Burchardi: MRSSTAN...... queen of non-sequiters. Gaylehatch: Will be in DEnver in 10 days ! Love that city !1 BEEBOP123: What is new topic??????????? Burchardi: {{{{{{{{{{{{ all a youze }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}] MRSSTAN: nice to be Queen of something <<<taking a bow>>>> Bubble51: I'm back Hahase: Weather has been great Gayle,, CFRIES6: {{{{{{{Deb}}}}}}}}}} Gaylehatch: Bubbles your back !1 Bubble51: I got booteed off Cigi 3: Topic is goiong to be Searching... BEEBOP123: Great just what i need Cigi 3: and its attendant problems, frustrations, tips, etc... MRSSTAN: how come nobody is answering me??? i have a major tile dilima and no one cares Gaylehatch: Can't wait ! Want to go to Celestial Seasonings ! CFRIES6: nice spelling Cigi. It must be close to your bedtime JN4NIER: TCP-IP is explained in the AOL book Bubble51: who has time to read? Lisa Rick: Hi everyone, welcome to midnight chat on adoption. We can talk about anything you want. Cigi 3: hey CF..this gal is operating on 7 hours of sleep over 48 hr period...I thnk I'm dooing good Cigi 3: !!! MLB12350: Sorry, no tile problems Hahase: Gayle, have never been there. JN4NIER: it's a way of connecting to AOL without a long distance call Bubble51: So do you all think I should keep trying to get more infor? I really want to know her name CFRIES6: How are you doing tonight Deb? I'll give you that one Cigi Lisa Rick: Search, Reunion, anything adoption related. Bubble51: and where she lives..if she is not ready for contact thats ok for now but I want to know her Bubble51: name Cigi 3: ;) Hahase: And 2 packs of Cigs.. or does that 3 stand for 3 packs. Gaylehatch: I would like to know how long people looked before they found their b-parents or children CFRIES6: I'm on my second pack for the day. MLB12350: still searching here!!! Bubble51: I gave my money to WARM in August of 95 and they found daughter in October of 95. I still Cigi 3: Actually it has nothing to do with cigs, smarty pants...stands for my initials...C G... ;p Lisa Rick: Bubbles, do you even have her first name? BEEBOP123: I need advise on what to to next have non-id but am at road block and can't find detour Bubble51: don't know her name or where she lives. no first name...nothin! FLAADOPTEE: I have been searching since Jan. nothing yet CORALUSK: CFRIES...you need the patch MRSSTAN: oh well, since no one cares about my tile problems i guess i will just go to bed ;-), work MRSSTAN: comes early CFRIES6: Coral, I need more than that MRSSTAN: {{{{{{{{everybody}}}}}} niters Hahase: Searched actively for 3 years Bubble51: MR what tile prob CFRIES6: Nite MR Bubble51: Nighty nite! Cigi 3: Gayle...I searched for over 20 years, on and off...came on line in May...found b/m in July! MRSSTAN: do you have tile on your counters Bubble? MLB12350: Nite MrsStan. I care just don't know what to tell ya Hahase: Well it's my bed time.. so night all.. {{{{{Room}}}}} CORALUSK: CFRIES I quit 7 years ago Bubble51: No way..I am too lazy to keep them up Gaylehatch: I've been searching for 3 1/2 yrs and have given in to a P.I. Cigi 3: You mean the little squares MrsS? CFRIES6: I'm not going to be here long tonight. I think I'm getting the flu and I feel horrible MRSSTAN: thanks for caring ML, it really means alot!! MRSSTAN: yea Cigi, little squares... Gaylehatch: It's flu shot time Lisa Rick: Cfries, have you spoken toii your brother yet? CFRIES6: Quitting isn't the problem for me. Sticking with it is Bubble51: you didn't say thanks to me MRSSTAN..I did give ya some input! Cigi 3: too hard to clean!! bad enuf in the bathroom! MRSSTAN: i want to put tile on my counters but can't decide what kind is best, not hard to clean Cig CORALUSK: CFRIES...it's really hard ...I know Bubble51: I am dying to get more info on her..sometimes I feellike it's an obsession FLAADOPTEE: I can relate to that Bubbles Kings Kid3: greetings everyone Bubble51: She stated in her letter that maybe someday we could meet but not right now too much going MRSSTAN: actually as easy as counter top stuff, they have lots of new kinds now, (too many!!) and FLAADOPTEE: hello Kings Lisa Rick: Bubble, I do not know about Wa, better send an email to Laznlady and see what she suggests Bubble51: on 9n her life right now. Sounded scared to me MRSSTAN: that's my problem, making a decision!!! oh well, i guess i'll sleep on it. See you guys MRSSTAN: later Bubble51: She said she had never thought about finding me Gaylehatch: I'm obsessed with finding my b-mom but I'm no closer than when I satarted Gaylehatch: started Bubble51: Said she never thought about possibility of having siblings! BEEBOP123: I know how you feel Kings Kid3: flaadoptee where in Fla? MLB12350: Gayle where are you searching? Bubble51: Kings..its in the Everglades FLAADOPTEE: I was born in Miami now live in Birmingham Ala BEEBOP123: Anyone have any sugggestions I was born in VA adopted in NC Lisa Rick: Gayle, what info do you have so far? What state were you born in? Gaylehatch: Ohio but she wasn't born there Bubble51: Gayle, are you a b mon and an adoptee? DebSPR: What happened connie? Gaylehatch: I'm an adoptee with a child with some sort of strange lung disease CFRIES6: sorry guys, I got bounced Gaylehatch: would like to think that it's heredity Bubble51: What blows me away is the lies they told us when we were still in the hospital CFRIES6: I'm ready to throw this computer out the window Bubble51: Oh Gayle, so sorry hope it's not fatal DebSPR: Must be frustrating... Gaylehatch: I was born in Ohio in 1951. Have b-mom name. Vivian Irene Rhoden Lisa Rick: Has everyone searching sent in an ISRR form? Bubble51: Yes BEEBOP123: YES!!!!!!!!1 FLAADOPTEE: yes MLB12350: YES Gaylehatch: Think it's a made up name as we can't seem to find any tracks CFRIES6: Lisa, I haven't heard from my bro yet, but he's still telling my mom he wants to talk DebSPR: Yes...I'm getting the new breast cancer gene test as a result of my "find". CFRIES6: yes Bubble51: So, do you all think I should keep on snooping or wait? Lisa Rick: Bubble, contact Lazn Bubble51: I want to see her picture. I want to talk to her on the phone...then I will be satisfied. MLB12350: SNOOP FLAADOPTEE: do your search Bubbles but give her time to adjust Lisa Rick: Gayle, do you find anyone in the area with that surname? Gaylehatch: How old is she Bubbles? Bubble51: I will contact Lazn..I have given her 8 months so far. how long is long enough? I have waite CFRIES6: Deb, I talked to Robin today. I needed some info on allergies. She was a big help Bubble51: 34 years now Gaylehatch: No we've contcted all. Have someone looking up birth annoncements from the same week I DebSPR: Did she ask about me? Gaylehatch: was born CFRIES6: no DebSPR: Good... Lisa Rick: Gayle, what state was she borrn in? CFRIES6: I didn't mention anything either. We just talked about Jessica and chemical allergies Gaylehatch: I was 42 when I developed an interest in my birthparents DebSPR: So...Connie..you'll be glad that I got really angry about the email today....really angry... Lisa Rick: Bubble, I had to wait 2 years and 2 months for my son to return my contact Bubble51: I wonder why it took so long Gayle...is that common? DebSPR: I think I'm going to call him (bdad) and give him a piece of my mind. Gaylehatch: My b-cert says Charlestown, West Va but they have no record there CFRIES6: and......? What did you do? Is that your letter that I haven't read yet? Gaylehatch: I was a happy camper. I loved my parents and would never have hurt them Bubble51: Lisa, so are you still in contact with each other? Lisa Rick: Then maybe that is her married name!! Do you have a date of birth? JN4NIER: I have an adopted daughter who wanted to be re-united and an adopted son that refused DebSPR: No....I just sent him a quick one saying that I was taken aback my the anger and insensitivity in Bubble51: Gayle, did you really feel that you would hurt them by knowing you Bmom? Did they tell you CFRIES6: YOU GO GIRL!!! give me his number and I'll give him a piece of mine too! JN4NIER: to meet his b-mom for one year MLB12350: Gayle if it took you that long theres still hope my daughter will want to find me too!! Bubble51: that or did you just feel that loyalty Lisa Rick: Bubble, no , I had a little over a month of email and email chat withn him, I am in the DebSPR: his email.....but I'm turning REALLY angry.... Gaylehatch: The welfare office has a b-date but won't give to me. Dan at Folksfind is working on it as Gaylehatch: speak Lisa Rick: "waiting room "again now. DebSPR: How dare he think that he can possibly know how I feel....and tell me that I'm wrong.... CFRIES6: Didn't I hear that somewhere before, Deb? :) DebSPR: And...I'm going to tell him that if he keeps throwing up the 'grandmother' thing, then CFRIES6: Please Deb, can I call him?? Gaylehatch: I was happy and had no reason to look until my child became ill and my parents were gone CFRIES6: or email him?? DebSPR: I'll list his: fin. release form, letting his wife send those terrible emails... Bubble51: Gayle, weren't you ever curious? My daughter said the same thing..never entered her mind Lisa Rick: Deb and Cfries, do you two want to share this problem? Maybe someone has some insight Bubble51: All the books I have rad on adoption say that adoptees ALWAYS are curious but are afraid of CFRIES6: Deb needs a group hug. she's had a bad couple days. DebSPR: Sure....my bdad's wife is unbearable....she's making my life miserable. Bubble51: being rejected again..what do you think from your standpoint? True or not CFRIES6: Bubble, it's TRUE DebSPR: And now he's jumped on the bandwagon...she's threatening to leave him....and blames me. Gaylehatch: Sure, you think of your birthmom on your birthday but I think I repressed those feelings CFRIES6: I'm 17 months into my reunion and I still feel that way Gaylehatch: they were gone. Bubble51: Deb she can only make your life miseralble if you LET her. Lisa Rick: In my opinion it is wrong to contact the aparnts first !! No offense JN4 CFRIES6: why should you have to repress, Gayle? Gaylehatch: I had great parents but the genetic thing is sooooo... important. JN4NIER: No offense taken Bubble51: I have read that a lot of feelings get reapressed...preservation I suppose DebSPR: That's a good point....and I've put her out of my mind...but lately she's brainwashing my bdad... Lisa Rick: Adoptees that are adults need to be contacted first, make up their own minds. Make their Lisa Rick: own decisions. CFRIES6: Bubble, trust me, this woman is way out of control Bubble51: Lisa I know it is wrong to contact the Aparetns first especially if they are in their 60's Gaylehatch: I had a Mother who could not tolerate my relationship with her Mother !! A birth mother Gaylehatch: would have made my mother crazier than she was !! Bubble51: Deb. its his choice you know...there is nothing you can do about how he feels Bubble51: She sounds like a real ----- DebSPR: Yeah....but it's hard to know when he's going to be nice...and when's he going to be mean. CFRIES6: part of it Bubble, is that he's been leading Deb on and now he's treating her horribly Bubble51: Maybe a little Bi-polar in the family genes? DebSPR: Or alcoholism... Lisa Rick: Deb, if you have sent a heartfelt letter, and photos of you and your kids then you have to Bubble51: Sounds like a person to stay away from Deb don't dance the dance Gaylehatch: I do a lot of work with mental illness and I'd agree on Bi-polar ! CFRIES6: he will not acknowledge any of Deb's feelings and is telling her she really doesn't feel lik DebSPR: Actually...that's my birthmom...but that's another story...how in the world did I turn out OK??? CFRIES6: like this Lisa Rick: let him make his own mind up. Why is his wife so thrreatened? How long have they ben married Radiodirt: whats the subjet here? DebSPR: My bmom is in a mental hospital...went in on my first birthday... Bubble51: Because you didn't have them in your life! DebSPR: They've been married for 30 years....I think she feels threatened because he cheated on her... Bubble51: the shoe is on the other foot Deb...you need to back out for a while..maybe a year or two Cigi 3: Well good luck to all searching...gotta run..but hang in there...OH BTW...sometimes it just DebSPR: and I just remind her of that...(even though I was befor her time..) CFRIES6: she's very insecure. Tell them about the book she's reading Deb Cigi 3: takes a bit longer...gal here on line just found dghtr...afater 36 yrs!! today! Bubble51: CONGRATUALTIONS!!!!! CFRIES6: Cool!! Nite Cigi Radiodirt: woo hooo! DebSPR: Yeah...she's reading a book and told him that reunions can cause divorces... Cigi 3: not me...RuthGin.... Gaylehatch: OH how lucky they are ! MLB12350: Who? How? Where? Bubble51: aNYTHING CAN HAPPEN! CFRIES6: Ruth!! She finally did it?? I'm thrilled for her!! Bubble51: Ever heard of the movie Dumb and Dumber? Cigi 3: I washelpingher here in MA...and everything came together...tomorrow she sends a letter to Cigi 3: agency and they're passing it on to dghtr... Lisa Rick: Deb, what book? Bubble51: It's so exciting Cigi Radiodirt: I know that feeling, and i loved it DebSPR: I asked him and he didn't know the name of it... Cigi 3: I am soooooooo happy for her...so hang in there...good things come to those who wait..or Cigi 3: so Ruth now believes! Lisa Rick: Deb, was he married to this woman when you were concieved? MLB12350: How did she find out her name??Cigi CFRIES6: Deb, tell them what she said the book was about. DebSPR: No....I was years before her...and there even was another marriage... Cigi 3: Well the a/agency is near me...she's in Ariz..and I've been calling and cking in with them DebSPR: Cfries....what was the book about...I don't remember? Bubble51: Deb it could be much worse..I belong to a support group and one woman (in her 50's) has Cigi 3: she put a letter in her file and when she did...they found a letter already there from dghtr Cigi 3: from l990!.. Lisa Rick: Oh, she is really jealous, perhaps he has given her reason in the past Bubble51: been writing to her B mom for three years but B mom won't let her meet in person. Then when CFRIES6: Wasn't it something like reunions break up marraiges? That's why I wanted you to tell cus Bubble51: Daughter said she was coming to her town....the old bat moved....at the age of 80 something CFRIES6: I couldn't remember Bubble51: she just takes off! Cigi 3: oh thats awful Bubble she must have been devastated! DebSPR: Yikes....yes...I guess things could be worse....that's what so great about chats... CFRIES6: That's horrible Bubble DebSPR: hearing about those stories that are worse... Bubble51: That woman is might sad! Thats putting it mildly! DebSPR: After a wonderful reunion with my bmom..she's now claiming that I'm not her daughter.... Cigi 3: Well goodnite all...take care... CFRIES6: nite cigi Bubble51: Oh my God! Deb..... Lisa Rick: What state is everyone searching in? MLB12350: Nite Cigi!!! Gaylehatch: Nite Cigi DebSPR: Do I get the "purple heart" of reunions? MLB12350: Oklahoma here!!! Gaylehatch: Ohio Lisa Rick: Deb, is she still ill? DebSPR: Sorry...didn't mean to whine... Bubble51: I live in Washington and I think my daughter does too. but t mnot sure of even that CFRIES6: you get a dozen after what you've gone through Gaylehatch: Maybe I don't want to find her afterall Deb! DebSPR: Yes....she's had problems ever since the reliquishment. Bubble51: Deb I was just reaching for the cheese to go with the Whine Cigi 3: gotta stay...Ruth is on her way here! CFRIES6: I think whining is allowed DebSPR: Gayle...don't let my story discourage you...I'd do it again tomorrow. Bubble51: Wne and cheese...now I am hungry! Gaylehatch: I think her name is false, doubt that I ever will find her.. DebSPR: My bmom and I had two wonderful weeks together.... Lisa Rick: Deb, what is the pproblem with your bmom? Does she have other kids? Bubble51: Each and everyone of us will have a different story..thats cool.... CFRIES6: I don't know how much longer I can hold on tonight. I'm feeling worse RuthGin1: Hi there here i am Cigi 3: {{{{{{{Ruth & her butterflies}}}}}}} RuthGin1: you better beleive it. Gaylehatch: Congrat RUTH!!!!!!!!! CFRIES6: CONGRATS RUTH!!!!! Bubble51: Hi Ruth who ever you are DebSPR: No...she never married or had other children....her chart says "schizo affective"...but they say RuthGin1: the clouds are still too high Cigi 3: Ruth...I kinda let the cat out of the bag... CFRIES6: I'm so happy for you!!! Lisa Rick: Congrats Ruth!!! Cigi 3: but I waited and waited for you... MLB12350: I am so happy for you Ruth!!!!!!' RuthGin1: Bubble I was there mon nite DebSPR: that she had a "great sense of grief" and "loss"...sounds like she never had anyone to Bubble51: I AM VERY VERY HAPPY FOR YOU Bubble51: You were? DebSPR: talk to about the reliquishment...she always landed in the hospital around my b'day every year. Bubble51: I have advancing senility! RuthGin1: thanks guys. I just got home and here I am Cigi 3: But they haven't been in touch yet..her dghtr wants to take it nice and slow...which is o.k. Cigi 3: Ruth did you do up the letter Nuala asked for? RuthGin1: I still can't beleive it. You guys if you ever need help cigi is the person CFRIES6: From an adoptee to a bmom, {{{{Ruth}}}}}} DebSPR: You must feel so relieved..... Cigi 3: onlycause it was here in MA Ruth...made it easier... RuthGin1: No I have to do the letter now but I wanted to see if you were still on first. Bubble51: Ya know there is power in numbers and if we all stick together toward a common goal Bubble51: we can do anything Gaylehatch: Deb there are lots of issues with mental illness. Don't take ownership for her problems.. CFRIES6: nothing wrong with slow DebSPR: Thanks Gayle....no I'm not... RuthGin1: I know honey but without you I really don't think it would have happen so fast. Cigi 3: seems to me you've waited long enuf Ruth...36 yrs!...you paid your dues and then some! RuthGin1: Yes I know the number game and HIS # is GOD CFRIES6: Deb, did you send the email, or are you planning one? Cigi 3: :) Bubble51: On one of the bulletin boards I was reading someone wrote that her Bmom had cried at the DebSPR: I sent out a short one...like I said...but I'm going to call him in the next day or two... Bubble51: relinquishment and that she had never stopped crying since...was sthat you who wrote that Bubble51: Deb Cigi 3: well can I be one of his angels with rusty halo? CFRIES6: I say give it to him RuthGin1: my son and I both cried this morning when I got the news. DebSPR: Bubble...yes...that sounds like my reunion story... CFRIES6: Sounds like you're already one cigi. and not a rusty halo for you my dear! Bubble51: It made me cry Deb Gaylehatch: It will help you to vent your anger but it may not affect your Father at all if he truly has RuthGin1: I can relate to that Bubble. I have been crying for 36 years. BUT TODAY I CAN SMILE Gaylehatch: a mental illness. Cigi 3: trust me CF...its rusty, its old and its downright crooked! DebSPR: I'm glad it touched you... Gaylehatch: Some are never affected by anything and their ego takes over. Bubble51: No one ever understood my crying...I was always alone with that IwasAnne: did you find your daughter, Ruth? RuthGin1: hI ANNE Lisa Rick: Deb, was she ill before the relinquishment? Cigi 3: Listen Ruth...I have got to go...catch some shuteye...7.5 hrs sleep in 48 hrs and catching u Cigi 3: up with me... Bubble51: I felt like there was something wrong with me...like why should I be sad, I should be conten DebSPR: No....according to the records her first admittance was on my first birthday... CFRIES6: Ruth, they say everyone has an angel, guess cigi was yours :) RuthGin1: YES TODAY. SHE WANTS ME TO WRITE HER A LETTER TONIGHT AND FAX IT IN THE AM Bubble51: with the decision that was made FOR ME Cigi 3: You write me tomorrow...you hear? RuthGin1: YOU BETTER BELEIVE THAT ONE CF. Bubble51: rUTH YOU ARE SO LUCKY! IwasAnne: that's so great! I'm happy for you! Gaylehatch: Aren't faxes great !! RuthGin1: MAYBE I'LL CALL YOU. MLB12350: Nite everyone! GOOD LUCK RUTH!!!!!!!!!!! RuthGin1: THANKS MLB JN4NIER: Ruth, I'm very happy for you and your daughter. Good night all Bubble51: Good night MLB RuthGin1: GOODNITE Bubble51: Night Jn RuthGin1: HI DEE IwasAnne: you're story gives me hope...I'm just 1 year older than your daughter...searching 20 years Cigi 3: I'll be here...if I don't hear from you, I'll calll you!...nite...nite... RuthGin1: NITE JN RuthGin1: BYE DEE Lisa Rick: Hi Anne CFRIES6: I'm going too. Deb, call me if you need anything. Good luck Ruth. RuthGin1: I JUST STARTED SEARCHING IN VAIN IN JULY 1996 Bubble51: Why searching for 20 years, Are you using a service or PI DebSPR: Thanks Connie....I'll let you know....thanks for your support... IwasAnne: Hi Lisa! How's San Diego? CFRIES6: anytime pal Lisa Rick: Night all who are leaving, feel better soon DebSPR: Night everyone....congrats Ruth...savor this moment forever... CFRIES6: thanks Lisa Gaylehatch: My bed is calling meeeeeee !! Nite all ! Bubble51: nite Gayle..nice meeting you DebSPR: Nice meeting you Lisa... IwasAnne: I've used 3 searchers...just haven't had any luck RuthGin1: I AM ON CLOUD 9999999? Lisa Rick: Nice meeting you too. Bubble51: What state Anne I was anne? what does that mean? RuthGin1: i HAVE TO GO WRITE A LETTER TO FAX IN THE AM. TALK TO ALL OF YOU LATER. IwasAnne: had your daughter ever searched herself, Ruth? Bubble51: Good night Ruth, bet ya can't sleep good tonight@! Lisa Rick: Night Ruth, ( you won't get much sleep tonight)!!! <G> IwasAnne: Anne is my birthname...I was born in CA IwasAnne: night Ruth...Good Luck! Bubble51: oh RuthGin1: NO SHE HAD A LETTER PUT IN HER FILE IN 1990. SO IF I EVER TRY THEY WOULD CONTACT HER. RuthGin1: I DIDN'T GET MUCH LAST NIGHT EITHER RuthGin1: THERE IS A 3 HOUR TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AZ & MA RuthGin1: I HAD TO CALL BACK THERE THIS AM RuthGin1: 3 HOURS SLEEP BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT. IwasAnne: let us all know what happens! RuthGin1: TALK TO YOU ALL LATTER. NITE GUYS. RuthGin1: I WILL Bubble51: I think I'm gonna hit the sack...so, will you all be back next Wed? IwasAnne: geez, gotta go... Bubble51: I will be here. Lisa Rick: Well another happy person, so many more to find though Bubble51: Too true! Sharo18948: Did Ruth find her birthdaughter? Lisa Rick: I will probabally be here Sharo18948: I missed it. Lisa Rick: Yes, Ruth found Lisa Rick: Sharo, are you searching? Bubble51: They should have a TV show once a week could call it " Searchers" and the "people being soug Bubble51: Sought"! Sharo18948: No--I was almost a birthmom . . . Bubble51: Like America's most wanted???? Sharo18948: Still interested in adoption issues, tho' after my "experience" Lisa Rick: I think so too. I thought that maybe Geraldo could do a once a week show on searching Bubble51: Or " Searchers" and "Hiders" Lisa Rick: since he is supposed to be a different kind of talk show now Sharo18948: Are you both searching? and for who? Bubble51: I am searchin' for my daugher, actually she has been locatedby WARM(Washington Lisa Rick: I found my son 2 years ago Bubble51: Adoption Rights Group) but she has reused reunion at this time..she has too much going Bubble51: on in her life> Lisa Rick: Bubble, I sure don't like that they contacted her parents Sharo18948: What does WARM do? Lisa Rick: How do you know that she has ever been contacted? Bubble51: Me neither, but ya know, the intermediary called me and said we cant find your da..we did Bubble51: find A parents though, so do you want us to contact them and they can contravt her Bubble51: Of course I was so excited I said yes Bubble51: I didn't realize the scope of the issues here Lisa Rick: I have seen that backfire too many times!! Sharo18948: How old is your dau, Bubble? Bubble51: My da is 34...She wrote to me through the intermediary in Feb of this year. Lisa Rick: What was your searchers name? Bubble51: Joan Sharo18948: Do you have any opinions about open adoption? Bubble51: She later told me that one of the service people had made an error and my daughters infor Bubble51: was there all along and they had missed it! Lisa Rick: If adoption of infants Have to be, then that is the way to go Bubble51: I have reservations about open adoption Sharo18948: Why? Lisa Rick: Sharo, are you considering this? Bubble51: Because, I think the child needs to have a life of his/her own with parents until he/she is Bubble51: old enough to decide if he wants to meet Bmom. I think life is hard enough for kids today Sharo18948: No, I DID consider it when I was pregnant Bubble51: without having the added pressure of two moms Lisa Rick: I am on the open adoption triad mailing list, I hear wonderful things about open adoption Sharo18948: I would never have given my child to someone I didn't personally choose. Bubble51: I guess I am not very well informed, never meant anyone in the triad Sharo18948: Unfortunately, Open adoption isn't legally binding, despite the fact that the agency insinuated that Bubble51: Sharon, when I relinquised my baby in 1962, thats the only way there was Sharo18948: it was. Lisa Rick: I didn't have that choice in 73, in fact I didn't have any choice,my parents MADE me Lisa Rick: relinquish my son Bubble51: Me too Lisa Sharo18948: I know, Bubble. I'm glad women have more choices now. Bubble51: I didn't see her or hold her. My mom said its's best if I didn't and I believed her Lisa Rick: Sharo, what state do you live in? Sharo18948: I can't imagine what it must feel like to have someone MAKE you give away a child and think that Sharo18948: you will never see that child again. Bubble51: My mom died three months ago..I am still sad over that so I can't be angry at her anymore Sharo18948: I live in CA Bubble51: She did what she felt was right for the time....thats what people did Lisa Rick: I wonder when my hate will go away Lisa Rick: Sharo, do you have any regrets? Bubble51: Hate is a waste of energy....Use your energy for good things Lisa Sharo18948: Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing by keeping him. It is very hard to raise a child as Lisa Rick: Mine has just started fading when my son finally contacted me in email Bubble51: Sharo, how old is he now Sharo18948: a single parent, and even tho' I LOVE him, I don't like being a parent. You give up alot and its alot Sharo18948: of work. Lisa Rick: How old are you, how old is your son? Sharo18948: Also, I wonder if keeping him was best for him. I hope so, in the long run! Sharo18948: Only 9 mos. old! And still not sleeping through the night!! :) Bubble51: Lisa, why the hate then? Sharo18948: I'm 36. Bubble51: He's so little...wait till he a teenager, then you will really wonder why you kept him,(kidd Lisa Rick: I don't know that it is hate so much as lack of forgivness for them Bubble51: Just kidding! Sharo18948: BELIEVE ME, I KNOW!! I'm scared . . . Although I heard they sleep through the night then. Bubble51: But Lisa, they could only do what society dictated for the times. Remember, it was a disg Lisa Rick: Sharo, where in Ca do you live? Bubble51: disgrace to have illegitimate kids,,,thats what they called them, remember? Sharo18948: San Francisco Bay Area Lisa Rick: I don't care, I was ready to give them up and move away with my son Bubble51: No, Sharo, they sleep through the day and kick up their heels at night, just like now exceot Sharo18948: How old were each of you when you relinquished? Bubble51: except they are bigger and louder! LOL Sharo18948: LOL! Bubble51: What would you have lived on Lisa? Lisa Rick: They were horrid to me just becouse my son is biracial Bubble51: I was 16 when I had my daughter Lisa Rick: I was going to live with his dad, or his mom Bubble51: Lisa, in 1973 that was a big deal Lisa Rick: I had just turned 17 Bubble51: As a race, we have become more and more tolerant, that is good and not good Lisa Rick: I don't care, I married the bdad when I was 18 anyway. It did not last but 5 years though. Sharo18948: So does WARM get involved with Birthparent rights? Adoptee rights? or Adoptive parents rights? Bubble51: I still believe that teenage girls are not ready to be mothers, single mothers Lisa Rick: He reminded me constantly that I gave his son away to strangers Bubble51: I think the government is doing a great disservice in allowing youngmoms to kee their babies Sharo18948: Five years isn't bad, for getting married at 18 Bubble51: and go on welfare. I work with these moms daily and it is very scarey for the innocent kids Sharo18948: Yeh, I was going to say, It seems like relinquishment would put a strain on a relationship Lisa Rick: Oh, I do not agree, If the government EVER gets to the point of taking girls babys away I Sharo18948: But should the govenment take the kids away? Lisa Rick: will be picketing everyday Bubble51: No they should not take the babies away. but here is my opinion....the girls parents and the Sharo18948: I'll be there with you Lisa. I agree, teenagers should not be moms. But after having gone thru the Bubble51: boys parents should have to support the mom and the baby if she wants to keep the baby. Bubble51: they should support her financially and emotionally and if they can't do that for what ever Sharo18948: relinquishment process, I strongly feel we can't take kids away from parents, in most cases. Bubble51: reason, then an open adoption should take place Bubble51: too many babies are beat up by boyfriends, by moms, by stupid babysitters Lisa Rick: BUT if they don't that is a form of coerision, just like in my case and thousands of others Sharo18948: Okay, Bubbles, I go along with that to a point. I would like to see families pitching in to help. Bubble51: Thats it families helping..it takes a village to raise a child and that is true! Sharo18948: And I would like to see parenting classes in highschools that tell kids it is VERY OKAY to choose Sharo18948: not to parent, now or ever. There is too much pressure to have babies, for all of us. Bubble51: I think they should put birth control pills in the drinking water at all high schools! LOL Lisa Rick: That is true, but hopefully this message will come before the girls get pregnant Lisa Rick: HI Mama Bubble51: As long as there is welfare and the appeal of living on your own if you get pregnant, girls Sharo18948: It does take a village. I get real scared about some of the legislation that's going on. Someone Bubble51: girls will get pregnant and keep their babies Sharo18948: on one of these boards said there is a case in NJ that says that if a woman relinquishes she is an Sharo18948: unfit mother and MUST relinquish future children. Bubble51: That is hard t believe Lisa Rick: WHAT???? Bubble51: Maybe someone misunderstood Lisa Rick: Hi Trim Lisa Rick: Hi Mama Sharo18948: That's what they said. I think it is on the Laws and legislation board. Posted in Aug or Sept. Sharo18948: It was hard for me to believe too. Maybe I'll email him and ask about it. Bubble51: I really must get to bed.....I get up at 5:30. will I see you guys later? Bubble51: Not see ya...talk at cha? Lisa Rick: Geeze, I do not believe the government needs that kind of power at all on anyone Sharo18948: Maybe--I'm trying to save money!! Lisa Rick: I know that feeling!!<G> Bubble51: Ys can't take it with ya Lisa Rick: I usually moderate this chat every Wed Sharo18948: Neither do I Lisa, and if it is true they will hear from me. Bye Bubbles!! I will be back, just not Sharo18948: as often! PACWPB: Is this a formal chat? Bubble51: Good night Sharo and keep up the good parenting...you will do find Lisa Rick: Sharo, I will be glad to talk to you about your baby. I have a 4 year old and he took foreve Bubble51: Oops I mean FINE! Lisa Rick: to slep through the night Bubble51: i HAVE NO KIDS AT HOME Bubble51: i HAVE 4 GRANDKIDS! i LOVE THEM SO MUCH....a Sharo18948: Dogs are easier. I recommend them. Lisa Rick: Pac, this is open chat on adoption PACWPB: Are you all adoptive parents, or are there any adoptees here? Bubble51: And now I am really leaving..I have two German Sheps too and yes they are work Lisa Rick: I am a bmom PACWPB: Reunited? Lisa Rick: Yes, kinda, through e-mail only PACWPB: Can you help me with some questions? Lisa Rick: Sharo, was your baby premature? Sharo18948: Yes, 6 weeks. We'll try, PAC Lisa Rick: Pac, yes go ahead PACWPB: My birth family and I have been reunited for 4 years, but bmom still hasn't told her family. PACWPB: I want to make contact with my 3 half-brothers. Youngest now 18. I will be 30 this year. Sharo18948: Wow. Who does her family consist of? PACWPB: My husband of nine years and I have a beautiful 18 month old son with red hair just like Lisa Rick: Pac, why doesshe say that it is taking her so long? PACWPB: my youngest brother. NO one else in family has red hair. Just sent her a letter asking PACWPB: her to tell them. Thinking of giving her a chance, then contacting them myself. I haven't Lisa Rick: Hoe is your relationship with her so far? PACWPB: heard from her in 2 months, after the first year or so of frequent contact and some visits. Lisa Rick: How PACWPB: She went through a rough divorce-took 4 years--after 25 year marriage. Sharo18948: Why doesn't she want her family to know? Lisa Rick: Give us a little background on her. Does her parents and sibs know PACWPB: But now it is final, and I am wondering.....She has not been in close touch with her family PACWPB: But her grandmother who raised her lives 2 hours from me, and I finally went up there and PACWPB: met her at least--just my great-grandma- in a rest home. She came to see me at the hospital PACWPB: and told me the story. She will be 93 this month, and she said I waited too long to meet. PACWPB: But, haven't told bmom about visit. She never offered to introduce us or anything...... Sharo18948: It's good you got to meet her. Lisa Rick: Hi Bren PACWPB: Yes, but my grandmother and other relatives are also there. REally want to make contact Lisa Rick: Pac, why does she say that she hasn't told anyone BRENROGERS: Hi Lisa PACWPB: with my 3 brothers. It's all complicated. Bmom told her high school boyfriend I was his, PACWPB: and his info. was in my file as being my father. DNA test proved another man is my bdad PACWPB: Reunited with him and his family, and he and my bmom have been close friends..... PACWPB: BUT, this old friend who she is also in touch with still thinks he has a daughter with her Sharo18948: OH . . . PACWPB: and he does not know that we have been reunited. I also feel very uncomfortable being PACWPB: the subject of a lie, and would like to contact him, too. My afamily and I grew very fond PACWPB: of his nonid. info. thinking he was my father for 26 years. I know his name and #, etc..... Sharo18948: I personally think your bmom should be honest with everyone, it would be the right thing to do. But Sharo18948: you can't make her do that. PACWPB: I don't want to blow the whole relationship with her. But she has been growing more PACWPB: distant, and she changes the subject in the last conversation we had about anything to do PACWPB: with her feelings, or discussing anything emotional at all. Her boyfriend is not supportive PACWPB: although they both visited us here last year....:-( PACWPB: Love her very much. Just want my brothers to know I exist and that I care about them. Sharo18948: PAC, I wouldn't want to advise you because I wouldn't want to advise you wrong in such an important PACWPB: She has sent me pics. and told me all about their lives. She asked that I hang up on my Lisa Rick: Have you been to her home? I am confused as to how you ruled the firsdt mman out as your Lisa Rick: bdad. PACWPB: youngest bro. when I have called her in the past. Hard to stay in the shadows.... Sharo18948: issue. However, I would not move too fast and ruin the relationship with your mom. Can you go to a Sharo18948: family counselor? PACWPB: Visited her and bdad twice in CA. I'm in FL. DNA test was done with 3 of us through mail. PACWPB: Been to her home one visit, but she kept me a secret, and it was while he was at school. Lisa Rick: If one man was in the file, how did the other one come about? Why did you question the firs Lisa Rick: one? PACWPB: She told me that the first one was not my bdad. Since I had his name, she asked that I PACWPB: not call him, and then several months after initial contact told me who my bdad was.... PACWPB: She kept pics. of me all these years, and even at a week old, I looked just like my bdad... Lisa Rick: OH, but the first one still thinks he has a child with her? PACWPB: I have brown eyes, and she and other man both have blue. My bdad has brown, too. Sharo18948: Don't you think first man may have suspected something? PACWPB: Yes, this other man is an attorney in same small town they all 3 grew up in --PA PACWPB: My bmom is very good at covering her tracks, so don't think he suspects a thing..... PACWPB: My bdad and this other man were high school rivals......but friends have said that since he Lisa Rick: Why did she name him as your bdad? PACWPB: has thought in his heart all these years that I was his, maybe he would still want to know PACWPB: me. He was her boyfriend, and he and his family sent money to support her during pregn. PACWPB: My true bdad and her were only together a couple of times, so he didn't really believe I PACWPB: was his, and he left the country. By the time he came back, I was given up... PACWPB: The first man has never married and has no children. Lisa Rick: Wow, alot of tracks to cover PACWPB: I am my true bdad's only child. The only child in his family. I am bmom's only daughter.... PACWPB: I am a very honest person, and am very uncomfortable knowing this man thinks I am his, PACWPB: and doesn't even know that we have been reunited for 4 years...... Sharo18948: Oh, no--someone is calling me--Pac, very good luck with this one--I wish you well, and please let Sharo18948: me know what happens. Good night, Lisa!! Lisa Rick: I do not know the answer here, but I think I would Lisa Rick: Night PACWPB: But, I want to contact my brothers. They are 24, 23, and now 18. Lisa Rick: Send me email PACWPB: Thanks Shar. :-) Lisa Rick: write to her ansd ask her to tell them, if not that you are PACWPB: Yes, I wrote her a very friendly letter telling her that I am eager to make contact with Lisa Rick: BUT, give her a timeframe, give her some of the reasons that this is so important to you PACWPB: them.....it's been 2 weeks now and I haven't heard from her. 2 months with nothing... Lisa Rick: Perhaps you shpould send her some books on adoption /reunion so she can understand that this Lisa Rick: is not uncommon. PACWPB: Sent her about 6 for her birthday in June. She had actually read Lost and Found years ago PACWPB: I don't understand her delays.... Lisa Rick: Who searched? PACWPB: I did, but she had been listed on a different registry than the one I was on for many years. Lisa Rick: Where does she live in Ca? PACWPB: She and my bdad had been discussing me for almost 10 years and seeing each other PACWPB: consistently prior to my contact with her 4 years ago. PACWPB: She is in Sacramento, and my bdad is in L.A. I am in FL. The other man is in PA Lisa Rick: Geeze, did her husband know about you? PACWPB: Yes, he met her while she was pregnant with me, and drove her to the hospital to have me. PACWPB: Only he thinks the man in PA is my bdad, and he does not know that we have reunited... Lisa Rick: Wow, I am willing to talk to her if she is willing. I am a birthmom and I am a searcher. I PACWPB: Where are you? Lisa Rick: I am in San Diego Lisa Rick: I talk to many adoptees and birthparents every day PACWPB: My bgrandma is there. Bdad's mom. Been there 3 years ago. Gorgeous city. :-) PACWPB: Very complicated. All of it. From every angle. I don't want to make it more so. PACWPB: I Just want my brothers to know I exist. If they want no more contact than that, I am ok Lisa Rick: I think that she is not rready to come out of the bmom closet to her friends, and posibly Lisa Rick: she is afraid that your brothers will think badly of her. PACWPB: with that. IT all just feels so open-ended, and secretive.....she has told her close friend PACWPB: about me, and I even met a friend when I was there, and she and her boyfriend came Lisa Rick: They will know that hse is not the perfect mother PACWPB: here last summer..... Lisa Rick: What do you think Bren? PACWPB: Thanks so much for your input. THought she understood so much, and now I am not sure PACWPB: I feel so frustrated like walking on eggshells...... BRENROGERS: I think that the truth is the only way to go THATS WHAT WE ARE ALL LOOKING FOR PACWPB: I am not really very patient, and 4 years has been a long time to wait. What length of time PACWPB: should I give her before making contact? PACWPB: I was raised to believe that the truth should be highly valued, but I can't make someone Lisa Rick: I think you should give her till Christmas, then go for it on your own, BUT she may really PACWPB: else be truthful, and I don't want to increase her pain in the whole thing..... Lisa Rick: back away from you if you do this, are you willing to do that? PACWPB: She has seemed to back away anyway. I called her around mother's day--it had been PACWPB: a while---we used to talk at least once a week for hours. When I said I wished we could PACWPB: just sit down and talk about everything for a while, she asked me how the weather was. PACWPB: THings really changed A LOT when my son was born. I think she is not comfortable with PACWPB: me being a mom and loving every minute of it. She spends a lot of time complaining about PACWPB: her sons, and she has an estranged relationship with the middle one, who sided with his PACWPB: dad in the whole divorce mess..........I envy the time that they have spent with her....wish PACWPB: she could be more comfortable with everything. PACWPB: My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and are thrilled to finally start a family. Lisa Rick: If you do go ahead and contact them, you need to be prepared that they may not believe it PACWPB: They can ask their father about me. He met our mom when she was preg. with me and Lisa Rick: I think you should send each of them pictures of yourself and of your children, and a very PACWPB: he drove her to the hospital to have me. He also has a daughter by another woman who PACWPB: "found" him after many years when the boys were young, so they already have another Lisa Rick: heartfelt letter explaining why this is soooo important to you, and to most adoptees so that PACWPB: older sister who "showed up" from their father...........why is it so different with me? Lisa Rick: they can understand. Most people have no idea how an adoptee feels about this PACWPB: My bmom and I look nothing alike. My son looks exactly like my youngest brother. PACWPB: I have the old DNA papers showing who I am.....but I so much want HER to tell them FIRST. BRENROGERS: You have to be happy with yourself you do what you know in your heart is the right thing Lisa Rick: I understand, and I have NO Idea why she would not be open to this especially after the dad PACWPB: I have waited and waited, and I just want closure. I just want it all finished. Lisa Rick: has his own daughter. Maybe it is just the lie about your bdad PACWPB: Some people have said that maybe there is more to it all that I don't even know. NOw PACWPB: I am wondering if I was her first, or maybe their are other even bigger secrets.... Lisa Rick: That is what I was thinking at first, maybe there is another child out there somewhere PACWPB: I am an adult. All of these people are adults. Do you think it would be right for me to Lisa Rick: We find many multiples in our searches PACWPB: contact this first man. My amom still talks fondly about his family as if it was mine. PACWPB: My bmom gave me a copy of my original bcertificate--blank name :-( --- said single birth... PACWPB: But she was 20 when she had me.... BRENROGERS: she already had a chance to make decisions when you were born may your turn PACWPB: I would absolutely LOVE to find another sibling. Always wanted a big family--just more love PACWPB: I never promised her I wouldn't contact anyone. Just an understanding I guess. Lisa Rick: Let em tell you about another adoptee in Fl and what she has found so far...... PACWPB: But now I want my brothers to know they are also uncles, and the oldest is close to PACWPB: getting married himself. Lisa Rick: Maybe she is waiting for you to ?? Easy way out PACWPB: Then she will have something to complain about me for! Maybe she does want that! Lisa Rick: Why did her grandma raise her? PACWPB: Just wish I knew how to make it a win-win situation for everyone involved..... PACWPB: Long story. She found out when she was almost 40 that her "older sister" was really bmom PACWPB: and grandma raised her as an adoptee. She says her mom still doesn't talk about it. Lisa Rick: Oh, that is why she is having all these problems, you should understand that PACWPB: She was the product of a one night affair while her mom was married, and she still has the PACWPB: same husband now, although he knows the whole story. PACWPB: But she has talked to me for hours about growing up with no one telling her the truth PACWPB: and the whole town knowing except her, and how it was so important to her. Lisa Rick: She has had a terirble life, I know someone like this, they too became a bmom PACWPB: And she found her bdad then, and a few years after he died, and his wife and daughter PACWPB: don't want anything to do with my bmom, and she is not in close touch with any family. PACWPB: So sad for her, so why doesn't she understand that I want the truth told and that my bros. PACWPB: should know that they have an older sister, and are uncles, too.??? Lisa Rick: Maybe she is afraid to get close to anyopne, becouse it has never worked out for her before. PACWPB: She has had a hard life, and I most certainly don't want to compound that for her, but when PACWPB: when she refuses to communicate her feelings or emotions I am at a complete loss.... Lisa Rick: She most likley does not know how!! She needs a good adoption therapist, hard to find PACWPB: She has never even sought any support group at all, not for the divorce or anything Lisa Rick: one though. I wish you luck. I am willing to talk anytime. I do have to go now though. Let PACWPB: She just doesn't talk about her feelings, but goes on having fun and going out like nothing PACWPB: is even bothering her Lisa Rick: me know how it is going with you, and if you want me to talk to her PACWPB: Thank you, Lisa. I will give her some more time. I did mention to her in the letter that PACWPB: there are bmom support groups in her area, and that other bmoms have found that their Lisa Rick: I can relate, I am like that too. I guess it may be a bmom thing. PACWPB: "other" kids took the news much better than they expected..... Lisa Rick: I have always had a hard time with my feelings PACWPB: Wish I knew what I could do to help her work through all the emotions. I don't want PACWPB: to make anything worse for her. I love her very much. Lisa Rick: The other kids are old enough to mmake up their own minds PACWPB: She is my mom, after all !! PACWPB: Guess I will wait another month or so and pray that I hear from her on a positive note. Lisa Rick: Yes, how many of those reunion books have you read?<G> PACWPB: Wish I had read more BEFORE my reunion. I think I really messed it all up.....:-( Lisa Rick: You know someone else that is going through this same thing is cigi3 You may want to talk Lisa Rick: to her too PACWPB: Sure have learned lots in the last 4 years. Yes, I met Cigi a few months ago..... PACWPB: Been a while since I have been here to chat. Must do it more often. PACWPB: Thanks so much for your insight. Much appreciated. I'll let you know how it goes... Lisa Rick: Yes, and I have learned tons in the last 3 years too. I had NO idea how an adoptee feels!! PACWPB: It is really hard some days. Wish we could just bag up the feelings and toss them away! Lisa Rick: I wish you all the luck. E-mail me anytime PACWPB: Rejection really hurts... PACWPB: Thank you again. Helps to talk about it....:-) PACWPB: Goodnight, Lisa. Lisa Rick: See you soon. Lisa Rick: Night